Rachel Caine Quotes

All killer whales are named Kevin. You knew that, right?

He had on bunny slippers. These had fangs. They all stared at them in silence for about a heartbeat, and then Shane said, "That is impressively wicked. Crazy, but wicked.

High on a rocky promontory sat an Electric Monk on a bored horse.

What are you, Zen Master Fang?

He rose to his feet and padded down the last few steps silently, came up behind Kim, and leaned over her to say, “I vant to drink your blood” in a heavy, fake Dracula accent. She shrieked, flailed, and a zombie ate her brains on-screen."!

YouTube is a new experience for me-someone threw a laptop in front of me and showed me Nic Cage going mad, which has got to be the funniest thing on YouTube. He's so courageous.

Life is funny, baby, and that's no joke

As is so often the case with pieces that appear in the 'Onion,' I honestly could not decide whether this was a clever hoax or not - the arguments were almost exactly as stupid as the real thing.

Really unreal world, will you perhaps do the breathing for me while I am away?

Why do I wear tennis shoes? That's two questions. Do I wear tennis shoes? The answer to that question is, "Yes." "Why?" That's a question philosophers have been pondering for centuries.

I know it's not thematically in tune with my new job and all, but I find it effective. Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day," I say. "But set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life. Tao of Pratchett. I live by it.

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? ... Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.

The other day I started to take a course in psycho-ceramics. What is psycho-ceramics? It's the study of crackpots.

People have a sense of humor, even if it's not a good one, and everybody has stakes.

I'm too amused by the way people carry on to give in to despair.

This is getting funny, but there ain't nobody laughing.

Between us, we cover all knowledge; he knows all that can be known and I know the rest.

Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way.

Cold! If the thermometer had been an inch longer we'd all have frozen to death!

A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here."

I got two stools, in case I want to sit down and sit down again on something else.

I think they should put pies on the fronts of trains, so that when they hit something it's at least a little bit funny.

I, uh...I have a television, so I'm going to spend some time here to tell you some things. [To orchestra conductor:] And, and...and sir, you're doing a great job, but you're so quick with that stick, so why don't you sit. 'Cause I may never be here again.'

I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.