Megan Amram Quotes

Why do u drive on a parkway and park in the driveway. Its messed up.

I'm the kind of actor who has ventured into escaping from me.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

I never discuss discussions.

Lovers have a way of using this word, nothing, which implies exactly the opposite.

Most people try to avoid cliches. It's my ambition in life to try to get 'em right!

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Take it not amiss, O speech, that I borrow weighty words, and later try hard to make them seem light.

I went up a straight crooked lane and, I said 'No thanks, yes if yer please.

I know only two words of American slang, 'swell' and 'lousy'. I think 'swell' is lousy, but 'lousy' is swell.

Anyone can tell the truth, but only very few of us can make epigrams.

I don't like doing stand-up, because I don't like standing up.

A lot of what I do - I have to try and make sense of things before I can make nonsense of them.

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.

The taste for quotations (and for the juxtaposition of incongruous quotations) is a Surrealist taste.

That's an old saying I just made up.

An epigram is but a feeble thing - With straw in tail, stuck there by way of sting.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

I really didn't say everything I said.

We Americans, who invented traffic, are always being startled by the forms into which it has evolved around the world.

All my plays have these titles that are oddly tricky. I like that something can look like one thing but mean two different things. Language is really unstable in that way.

Wit, to be well defined, must be defined by wit itself; then it will be worth listening to.