Bill Maher Quotes

Once again, Pat Robertson leaves us speechless with his insensitivity and arrogance.

I don't know who's worse with little boys, Mario or Michael Jackson.

L. Ron Hubbard [founder of Scientology] was a falling-down drunk who drank himself to death.

I’ve been accused of every death except the casualty list of the World War. [WWI]

Black parents beat their children to keep them from misbehaving in the eyes of whites who had the power to send Black youth to their deaths [in slavery days] for the slightest offense. Today, many Black parents fear that a loose tongue or flash of temper can get their child killed by a trigger happy cop. They would rather beat their offspring than bury them.

I had $20 million in the bank, girls are following me all over the f - place, people call my name everywhere I go. What would I change? And then one day you get onstage and you see two little girls who look like they are 11 years old sticking their tongues out and pulling their bras down and you quit touring. That's what happened to me.

Kids in Washington every year have the big Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. The kids found 300 Easter eggs. They also found about 10,000 missing Hillary emails.

I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.

Anybody hear the great news, today? Jimmy Swaggart under investigation! Oh Ja-eezus! One day every one of those cocksuckers will get caught! I understand in the case of Mr. Swaggart, that he claims that it was not multiple encounters with many prostitutes - apparently, only one sweet young thing. And he did tell Cal Thomas of the Moral Majority that the sex act itself was not fully consumated. However he did admit to doing something por-no-graphic with the girl. Let's use our imaginations, ladies and gentlemen.

If you have a few hundred followers and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a billion, they call you Pope.

It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.

An evangelical minister has had to resign after pictures surfaced showing him in a hot tub with two women. He claimed it was just a baptism gone terribly wrong.

Israel is the Jimmy Saville of nation states.

No other work has more often been blamed for more heinous crimes by the perpetrators of such crimes. The Bible has been named as the instigating or justifying factor for many individual and mass crimes, ranging from the religious wars, inquisitions, witch burnings, and pogroms of earlier eras to systematic child abuse and ritual murders today.

[T]he Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock? Peace Corps volunteers? Or maybe the people in Texas were attacked because of child abuse. But, if child abuse was the issue, why didn't Janet Reno tear-gas Woody Allen?

If I'd done a quarter of the things of which I'm accused, I'd be pickled in alcohol, I'd be a registered drug addict and would have sired half the children in the world's cricket-playing countries

It was wonderful, a stunning happy ending to what began as another tragic rock & roll story, as if Bob Dylan had been arrested in Miami for jacking off in a seedy little XXX theater while stroking the spine of a fat young boy.

Children are the vessels into which adults pour their poison.

Scandal is only human.

T.V. style pageant of people parading through Rudy Giuliani, now on the phone, if he doesn't come in person today to get his two cents in.

It is the Spirit of Christ in us that will draw satan's fire. The people of the world will not much care what we believe and they will stare vacantly at our religious forms, but there is one thing they will never forgive us-the presence of God's Spirit in our hearts. They may not know the cause of that strange feeling of antagonism which rises within them, but it will be nonetheless real and dangerous. satan will never cease to make war on the Man-child, and the soul in which dwells the Spirit of Christ will continue to be the target for his attacks.

If the Royal Family was going to assassinate someone, they would have gotten rid of me a long time ago.

Many a man spanks his children for things his own father should have spanked out of him.

John Kerry is finding out that it is no fun to be the front runner, that's when you get all the heat. He had to deny internet rumors this week that he had Botox treatments. The Republicans say Kerry should have a clear, unfurrowed brow the old fashioned way by not giving a sh--.

The victimization of children is nowhere forbidden; what is forbidden is to write about it.