Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

When I was born, my parents - my mother especially - couldn't come to terms with that fact that they had another baby girl. I know these stories in detail because every time a guest visited, or there was a gathering, they repeated this story in front of me that how I was the unwanted child.

My father expected his first child to be a boy, and when it didn't turn out that way he didn't let the fact get in the way of a good story.

My brother and sister were much older. They were planned. I was not planned for. I was called the mistake, amongst other things.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork.

When I was born, my mother was very disappointed. She wanted a son. I knew that from a very early age. So I was a tomboy.

I was closest to my dad and he always knew that I am responsible and would look after my family. For him, I was always the boy child and not his girl.

I remember feeling ashamed, for some reason. I was ashamed of my parents. I couldn't face some of my friends at school anymore, because I desperately wanted to have the classic, you know, typical family. Mother, father. I wanted that security, so I resented my parents for quite a few years because of that.

My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, “You know, I brought you in this world, and I can take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you.

I wrote a letter to my Dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it, so I wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, Dad - there's a lot of stuff you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away.

When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.

[On writing her first poem at age eight:] An ode to my dead mother and father, who were both alive and pretty pissed off.

My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.

Andy Kaufman's mom wanted a girl, his father wanted a boy, and they were both satisfied!

In contrast to how my father treated me, I won't hit him, I won't call him evil, I'll give him affection, and I'll pay attention to him.

Fathers never have exactly the daughters they want because they invent a notion a them that the daughters have to conform to.

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.

One win­ter, when I was 12, my older brother Frank (20) said to my father, 'We want you out of the house. We don't want any­thing other than the house we live in. We don't want any­thing from you. Just leave.' And he left.

My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.

The truth is, my father stopped bothering me after Stigmata, because I got to play a priest. That fulfilled his dream. The cop thing was a little overdone to him because my brother was already a police officer.

But children, hark! Your mother would rather, When you arrived, have been your father.

I hated my father all my life but in his final days I forgave him for all the suffering he caused us. As you grow older, marry, and have children of you own, you learn and forget. I do not forget easily, but I do forgive.

I went to my father's at night. He spoke of poor John [Boswell's brother] with disgust. I was shocked and said, "He's your son, and God made him." He answered very harshly, "If my sons are idiots, can I help it?

My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.