Adam Carolla Quotes

Emperor Napoleon is nothing but an ordinary king who tramples on human rights.

Hey, folks, look at all the damage that Bill Clinton has done to feminism. First, oral sex is not sex now. You got a Lewinsky, it isn't sex. And sexual harassment, you know what it used to be? All you had to have for sexual harassment was for a superior in your office to use his power to have his way with you, no matter whether you wanted it or not. Now that's out the window. Because we can't, of course, have Bill Clinton said to have engaged in sexual harassment. No way. Not gonna happen.

A king ruleth as he ought, a tyrant as he lists, a king to the profit of all, a tyrant only to please a few.

The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!"

He [the King of Morocco] spends half his time asleep and the rest of it buried between the legs of the fairer sex.

Kings play the fool, and the people suffer for it.

I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.

Beware the abuse of Power. Both by those we disagree with, as well as those we may agree with

I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.

Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man.

My frank response to all sex questions is that there is too much significance put on them to begin with. Sex is part of human nature, and I don't know why such a big deal is made out of it.

I came to see a king, not a row of corpses.

When it comes to health, diet is the Queen, but exercise is the King.

All kings is mostly rapscallions, as fur as I can make out.

Sleep, ignorant of pain, sleep, ignorant of grief, may you come to us blowing softly, kindly, kindly come king.

I always wondered about that woman who had that face transplant. If you went to bed with her, would that technically count as a threesome?

God bless the King, and grant him long to Reign.

August in Kansas City is hotter than two rats f**king in a sock.

Elvis is everywhere. Elvis is everything. Elvis is everybody. Elvis is still The King.

Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.

Exercise is your king, and nutrition is your queen. Together they create your fitness kingdom.

If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if it's oral sex, I know it's time to renew my driver's license.

I used to be jealous; I'm not jealous anymore. And a miracle happened to me, because if you're jealous, it's a cancer, it's a plague on your spirit, it really is. And I actually cured jealousy in a very weird way - I cured it with mathematics. And I'm not a math person at all, but I've been with my wife for about seven years, so we have had sex probably, I'd like to think, like, 9 million times or, at least, 1,500. So, the way I figured it, if she goes out and screws some other guy once - I'm still winning.