Michel de Montaigne Quotes

I wished my wife to be not so much as suspected.

...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.

How can you tell your wife you are just popping out to play a match and then not come back for five days?

If any of you would bring judgment the unfaithful wife, let him also weight the heart of her husband in scales, and measure his soul with measurements.

We invented marriage. Couples invented marriage. We also invented divorce,mind you. And we invented infidelity,too, as well as romantic misery. In fact we invented the whole sloppy mess of love and intimacy and aversion and euphoria and failure. But most importantly of all, most subversively of all, most stubbornly of all, we invented privacy.

It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.

No man has ever yet discovered the way to give friendly advice to any woman, not even to his own wife.

Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

A husband should tell his wife everything that he is sure she will find out, and before anyone else does.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife...In fact, if your old lady walks in on you deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay On Top Of Me Or I'll Die.' " I didn't know what I was goin' to do.

Christopher heard a pair of women gossiping nearby, whispering in disapproving undertones. "... Ramsey was found flirting in a corner with a woman. They had to drag him away from her." "Who was it?" "His own wife." "Oh, dear.

If my husband's going to kiss anybody, let it be Matt Damon.

The loveliest Muse in the world does not feed her owner; these girls make fine mistresses but terrible wives

Then you got Newt Gingrich up here who - didn't he leave his wife while she was dying to marry the next wife? Give me a break, Newt.

It's my wife Ruth's birthday soon. I said to her: "What would you like for your birthday?" She said: "I want a divorce." I said: "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

A place has almost the shyness of a person, with strangers; and its secret is not to be surprised by a too direct interrogation.

If a man is going to leave one wife to marry another, it's better if he divorces the first before he marries the second.

Madelyne, we're married now. 'Tis a usual occurrence to bed one's wife on the wedding night.

Here was something I already knew to be true about myself: Just as there are some wives who will occasionally need a break from their husbands in order to visit a spa for the weekend with their girlfriends, I will always be the sort of wife who occasionally needs a break from her husband in order to visit Cambodia. Just for a few days!

2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment!"

I wished my wife to be not so much as suspected. Common traditional saying: Caesar's wife must be above suspicion.

Dear Jane, Just so you know: e. e. cummings cheated on both of his wives. With prostitutes. Yours, Will Grayson

A friendship with a woman is not a sin. (It's) a friendship. A romantic relationship with a woman who is not your wife, that is a sin.

You're asking somebody who has a wife and is really happily married, 'So, what's your next wife going to be like?' And I'm like, 'What?'

Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.