P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

Unlike most divorces, where the children were usually the first to know, my parents were very good about keeping that a secret.

I think there's a good-er divorce. I think that's absolutely possible. There's a better way to do it and everything in between, and then, of course, there's the disastrous way to do it.

Firequencher raised his hand. "I've been staying out of family conversations. Do I get credit for that?

The arrangements that couples make in order to maintain civility in the midst of their journey to divorce are often most elaborate when the professed top priority is to protect a child.

Divorce Myths: 1. When love has gone out of a marriage, it is better to get divorced. 2. It is better for the children for the unhappy couple to divorce than to raise their children in the atmosphere of an unhappy marriage. 3. Divorce is the lesser of two evils. 4. You owe it to yourself. 5. Everyone's entitled to one mistake. 6. God led me to this divorce.

Her little sister will tell you she don't live here anymore.

I love hearing my relations abused. It is the only thing that makes me put up with them at all. Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live nor the smallest instinct about when to die.

People talk about dysfunctional families; I've never seen any other kind.

When I confess a couple who have kids, a married couple, I ask, 'how many children do you have?' Some get worried and think the priest will ask why I don't have more. I would make a second question, 'Do you play with your children?' The majority say, 'but father, I have no time. I work all day.'

The mother may be doing ninety percent of the disciplining, but the father still must have a full-time acceptance of all the children. He never must say, "Get these kids out of here; I'm trying to watch TV." If he ever does start saying this, he is liable to see one of his kids on the six o'clock news.

I talk to my dad all the time, he's more like my buddy than my father, and he's not happy that I use him in my act. But I tell him, I have to get something out of this.

But for a man, it's different. Like, separation can take years - it can take years to make divorce final. What am I supposed to do during those years? I think that's, you know it's not the *craziest* thing, but it's where a lot of rumors come from. It's frustrating.

A dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.

Every divorce is the result of selfishness on the part of one or both parties to a marriage contract.

As for those whose role it is to love us - I mean, relatives and in-laws (what a word)- It's a different tune. They find the right word, but it's usually the one that wounds.

[about his dress robes...] I’m never wearing them," Ron was saying stubbornly. "Never." "Fine," snapped Mrs. Weasley. "Go naked. And, Harry, make sure you get a picture of him. Goodness knows I could do with a laugh.

Certainly I think being an absentee farther helps in adding a layer of conflict.

Parents have to get over the idea that their children belong just to them; children are a family affair.

Parents aren't sex education experts just because they are parents.

A decent person does not alienate children from a parent, no matter how angry they are at the parent for the divorce. It's unfair to the children, and it's unfair to the other human being

Getting a divorce is nearly always as cheerful and useful an occupation as breaking valuable china.

Oprah deserves the best. I am not the best when it comes to divorce. What do I know about divorce? Nothing at that time.

You'd better talk to my dad. My mom's pretty busy.

How vital are mother’s influence and teaching in the home-and how apparent when neglected!

I think one of the things when you're casting children is you're also casting their parents.