Bill Maher Quotes

Guess who's running for president? Jeb Bush. Jeb was governor of Florida and he speaks fluent Spanish, which raises the question: What language did his brother speak? What was that?

Make no mistake: you're going to see a lot of Bushes.

I've got a record in Florida. I'm proud of my dad, and I'm certainly proud of my brother. In Florida, they called me Jeb, because I earned it.

In politics practically everything you hear is scandal, and besides, the funny thing is that the things they are whispering ain't half has bad as the things they have been saying right out loud.

I was at a little Haiti the other day in Florida. And I want to tell you, they hate the Clintons, because what's happened in Haiti with the Clinton Foundation is a disgrace. And you know it, and they know it, and everybody knows it.

I don't believe Spiro Agnew is a crook. If he was a crook, he'd still be in office.

The evil is in the White House at the present time.

Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going to burst into flames in that courtroom?

Donald Trump he wanted casino gambling in Florida. Yes, you did.

Ministers fall like buttered slices of bread: usually on their good side.

I thought, giving Jeb Bush the benefit of the doubt all these years, that he was sitting, saying, what a numbnut, what an idiot. My brother's a fool. He's listening to these neocons that talked him into this war. Dad would have never done this.

In former days, when there were Whigs instead of Liberals, it was almost a rule of political life that all leading Whigs sould be uncles, brothers-in-law, or cousins to each other. This was pleasant and gave great consistency to the party; but the system has now gone out of vogue.

The candidates at the Republican debate looked like a town council that was outlawing dancing. They looked like a board of directors that was lying about poisoning a river.

When the police arrived and found no lion, no broken wall, and no convicts, and the Head behaving like a lunatic, there was an inquiry into the whole thing. And in the inquiry all sorts of things about Experiment House came out, and about ten people got expelled. After that, the Head's friends saw that the Head was no use as a Head, so they got her made an Inspector to interfere with other Heads. And when they found she wasn't much good even at that, they got her into Parliament where she lived happily ever after.

You roll back the stones, and you find slithering things. That is the world of Richard Nixon.

You always hear about waste and abuse in Washington. And usually it doesn't mean much, because nobody ever finds where that waste and abuse is.

I think Bush is amateurish and self-serving, and frankly, it's disgusting.

Watergate left Washington a city ravaged by honesty.

When the wind is right, a faint odor of kerosene is exhaled from Senator McCarthy.

A lot of people think I'm retiring, but I've been telling a fib. I've been forced to leave this job because I gave $75,000 to the Clinton Foundation.

Hillary Clinton is a very dishonest person.

So when you hear about Hillary's [Clinton] dishonesty, or the emails, or taking millions from the Saudis and other Middle Eastern dictatorships - remember, this is not about politics.

What was Watergate? A little bugging!

[Richard M. Nixon was] a foul caricature of himself, a man with no soul, no inner convictions, with the integrity of a hyena and the style of a poison toad.

Yesterday during a speech on national security, Jeb Bush mispronounced Boko Haram and got confused between Iran and Iraq. When reached for comment, his brother George W. said, 'He sure sounds presidentiary to me.'