Mick Miller Quotes

I know I'm getting old because there will be times when I'm not even doing anything and I'll think, 'I need to go wipe my ass right now.'

Never ask anyone over 70 how they feel. They'll tell you.

I don't want to know I'm getting older. Then I'll start to think about getting checkups and insurance. I don't want that.

I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.

Alas, how right the ancient saying is: We, who are old, are nothing else but noise And shape. Like mimicries of dreams we go, And have no wits, although we think us wise.

The most important thing for old guys is never start going down the stairs sideways.

Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.

For the last year his grandma had been slipping in and out of reality. One minute she was as clear as a bell and the next she was calling him Simon. Who was Simon? He had no idea.

Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.

Don't ever get old. With each year that passes, the old Viking idea of jumping off a cliff to one's death looks better and better. The only thing to hope for is that you get so senile that you think you're twenty years old again. That would be fun to relive.

One of the candidates running for governor is a 100-year-old woman. Yeah, the 100-year-old says she'd like to recall Governor Gray Davis, but more importantly, she'd like to recall where she left her teeth.

What the object of senile avarice may be I cannot conceive. For can there be anything more absurd than to seek more journey money, the less there remains of the journey?

A soldier when aged is not appreciated; the love of an old man sickens.

Man seems not so much wicked as frail, unable to face pain, trouble and growing old. A good woman knows that nature is her enemy. Look at what it does to her.

A man of forty today has nothing to worry him but falling hair, inability to button the top button, failing vision, shortness of breath, a tendency of the collar to shut off all breathing, trembling of the kidneys to whatever tune the orchestra is playing, and a general sense of giddiness when the matter of rent is brought up. Forty is Life's Golden Age.

Flies are busiest about leane horses.

Is there some kind of rule for when Sam should be a boy and when he's a Wolf?" "A Wolf lifts his leg and yellows up the snow. A boy has to use the toilet." "And that will work?" "Only if he needs to pee.

That folly of old age which is called dotage is peculiar to silly old men, not to age itself.

What an old maid I'm getting to be. lacking the courage to be in love with death!

'Don't worry about senility', my grandfather used to say.

A child is not frightened at the thought of being patiently transmuted into an old man.

Getting old and dying alone is my worst fear.

I had to persuade a dog to swallow a pill. I twittered for advice and I got suggestion after suggestion. Most of them didn't work. 'Put the pill in the sausage.' No - that doesn't work. 'Cheese.' No. Then someone said: 'You wrap it in butter and it will slide down.' I tried it and it worked! And I'd learnt how to give a pill to a dog through the magic of Twitter.

Anyone who claimed that old age had brought them patience was either lying or senile.