Conan O'Brien Quotes

I am a comedian and you guys know whatever I say, I don't mean any of it.

I tell the truth and I don't try to sugarcoat things. But I also decided that if you don't use humor or satire, then it's just too dark all the time. And one of my favorite literary works is A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift. As you know, that was an enormously famous satire piece that was able to point out, you know, things to people in a different way. And I do believe that satire and humor can reveal truth in a way that sometimes doesn't get revealed through other means. And so I decided to, every now and then, use satire and humor as well.

But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.

The Gerat Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in courtship, his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk clerks. Since this means him standing motionless for enormous periods of time he is often eaten in full display by The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog Eater.

Do you want to hold it?' she asked, dangling the padded envelope in front of Hale with two fingers. 'No.' 'Do you want to touch it and kiss it and wear it around your neck?' 'Don't be silly,' he told her. 'Everyone knows green isn't my color.

Comedy aims at representing men as worse, Tragedy as better than in actual life.

The thing about Donald [Trump] is the jokes write themselves. I don't even think of it to be trolling. What he says is the joke.

Satire, being levelled at all, is never resented for an offence by any.

You know what amazes me about UFO's? They never land at the White House. They always land at laramie, Wyoming. Thiry miles out, where they're seen by one farmer.

If you have to explain satire to someone, you might as well give up.

There was always another side to a joke, the side of the victim.

Just because we can shoot something that looks like a movie doesn't mean we should. Sometimes if something looks too good, it's not funny. Some things need to look good, because we think it's funny that you'd spend so much time and be so precious about such a stupid idea.

Let's be honest - Bill Murray was onto something when he laughed at Andie MacDowell's degree in 19th century French poetry in 'Groundhog Day'.

Anger and comedy are really connected.

By rights, satire is a lonely and introspective occupation, for nobody can describe a fool to the life without much patient self-inspection.

I didn't create Bugs Bunny. You know what I mean? I can't get mad because I'm the third-best Bugs Bunny in the world.

Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass.

One parody is worth a thousand polemics.

You should be thankful that dark colors suit you. Not everyone wears black well." "Why, Lady Olivia, is that a compliment?" "Not so much as a compliment to you as an insult to everyone else," she assured him. "Thanks heaven for that. I don't think I would know how to conduct myself in a world in which you offered compliments.

I regard everything with irony, including the face I see in the mirror when I wake up in the morning.

Ridicule often checks what is absurd, and fully as often smothers that which is noble.

We reserve the right to make fun of every single person on planet Earth.

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

I'm an illegal alien and have been for many years. If you rub my skin, I go green.

It's a dangerous game that comedy plays. Sometimes it tells you the truth; sometimes it delays it.