Larry King Quotes

Of course it is possible that UFO's really do contain aliens as many people believe, and the government is hushing it up

UFOs: The reliable cases are uninteresting and in the interesting cases are unreliable.

I'm not saying these flying discs don't really exist, but nobody living in Kansas City has seen them and that's a dry state.

Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)

My mother was a very elegant woman. When a flying saucer landed on the lawn, she turned it over to see if it was Wedgwood.

It is true that I was denied access to a facility at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base in Dayton, Ohio, because I never got in. I can't tell you what was inside. We both know about the rumors concerning a captured UFO and crew members. I have never seen what I would call a UFO, but I have intelligent friends who have.

Today Prince William went to Washington, D.C., and he met with President Obama. He said, 'It feels weird being in the White House because I'm not an American.' And then Prince William said, 'Yeah, me too.'

There was always another side to a joke, the side of the victim.

Gary, who's wearing a coral shirt and white pants, growls to look tough. It doesn't work.

What does all this stuff about flying saucers amount to? What can it mean? What is the truth?

Let's be honest - Bill Murray was onto something when he laughed at Andie MacDowell's degree in 19th century French poetry in 'Groundhog Day'.

Anger and comedy are really connected.

By rights, satire is a lonely and introspective occupation, for nobody can describe a fool to the life without much patient self-inspection.

Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass.

One parody is worth a thousand polemics.

I regard everything with irony, including the face I see in the mirror when I wake up in the morning.

I tell the truth and I don't try to sugarcoat things. But I also decided that if you don't use humor or satire, then it's just too dark all the time. And one of my favorite literary works is A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift. As you know, that was an enormously famous satire piece that was able to point out, you know, things to people in a different way. And I do believe that satire and humor can reveal truth in a way that sometimes doesn't get revealed through other means. And so I decided to, every now and then, use satire and humor as well.

I've been on what I call my UFO Tour, which means, like UFOs, I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately.

Ridicule often checks what is absurd, and fully as often smothers that which is noble.

People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy said, "Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted." If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction.

We reserve the right to make fun of every single person on planet Earth.

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

I'm an illegal alien and have been for many years. If you rub my skin, I go green.

It's a dangerous game that comedy plays. Sometimes it tells you the truth; sometimes it delays it.

Final installment of Things More Fun Than Reading the Sarah Palin Memoir: Driving into a tree, microwaving your head, and getting stabbed in the eye with a carrot.