Humphrey Bogart Quotes

I feel like girls are always fighting guys off at bars, always. Usually girls don't really have to do anything except be there. And if alcohol is involved, you're gonna get hit on. No matter what.

In the book, America had already been weakened by bio terror plagues before waves of selfish violence took down the rest. But the real enemy was the kind of male human being who nurses fantasies of violent glory at the expense of his fellow citizens.

Men and women, women and men. It will never work.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

Most male victims of violence are the victims of other men's violence. So that's something that both women and men have in common. We are both victims of men's violence.

This is a war between the rum shops and women…only one can win.

The worst bar fights I ever saw were in London. I saw a guy break a pint glass in another guy's face in a club in the Eighties. It was a gay club, too.

I hear how Drew Barrymore grew up going to the bars - I was never allowed.

People connect to a good bar very personally.

I was brought up in the East End, and if a man was inappropriate in a bar, you'd throw your drink over him.

Why do we celebrate the opening of a bar so much?

Time is never wasted coming to an old man bar.

What’s wrong with just talking? Isn’t that why bars were invented? So you could talk to somebody over a drink—as opposed to sitting at home alone getting sloshed?

I'm quite good at leaning against a bar.

I don't love large groups of men. I've always felt like something terrible could happen when there were no women. If there are women around, it feels like there's less of a chance that anyone will get stabbed.

Of course many bars in Manhasset, like bars everywhere, were nasty places, full of pickled people marinating in regret.

I was raised in bars. My grandmother had one, and when I was 12 years old I'd go stay with her and that's where I got to watch her band play -- she had a seven or eight-piece band, and I would sit in the kitchen and peek through the door. I was kind of a 12-year-old bottle washer.

As far as feminism is concerned ... the problem in the world is men, and they, in their natural state, are essentially incompatible. They must be tamed. They must be tempered, 'cause men are naturally brutes. They fight. They sweat. They expel gas. They're dirty. They get into fights. Ewww! And we've got to somehow reprogram all of that out, because otherwise women will be in constant peril.

If I'm in a bar and I gotta be sitting next to some clown who's like, "It's my tune," I don't want to hear you belt out Bruce Springsteen. That's why we have jukeboxes! Let's let Bruce be Bruce.

What's a bar bill but a surtax on reality?

I'm one of those people that will walk into a bar, and if I wasn't a comic - because some people know who I am - I would just blend in.

Farrell's Bar in Brooklyn had urinals so large they looked like shower stalls for Toulouse-Lautrec.

I didn't go to bars much. One drunken asshole was all I could handle and that was me. I wrote. I don't remember a lot of it.

We're bar room buddies and we're the best kind, nobody messes with that friend of mine. Chug-a-lug-a-lug-a-lugga, bar room buddy of mine.

Not only do I like to go to bars because I like to drink, I do like to drink, but I go because who do you see there? Baseball fans.