Terry Pratchett Quotes

You've got to have a sense of humour about sex. When you look at it, it's all pretty ridiculous, isn't it?

I'm the easiest person to make fun of.

the answer to every problem involved penguins

Penguins mate for life. Which doesn't really surprise me, because they all look exactly alike. It's not like they're gonna meet a better-looking penguin someday.

Laughter is the climax in the tragedy of seeing, hearing and smelling self-consciously.

Maggie threw her head back and laughed. 'So you're going to try...what? Birds of a Feather?' she quested. 'Of course not,' Kat said. 'Everyone knows the French government banned the importation of peacocks in 1987.

No man with a sense of humor ever founded a religion.

Anna followed, keeping a sharp eye out for things he might back into or over. She wondered if Isaac did this all the time-and, if so, how he avoided getting photos in the paper with captions like "Local Alpha Trips Over Child" or "Wolf Versus Street Sign, Street Sign Wins.

I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?

Paul Bearer has more chins than a Chinese phone book!

I love bad comedy more than I love good comedy, so I love open mics. Or I used to. But the thing that delights me more than anything else in an open-mic performer is when the comic has one joke that requires some kind of prop. But only one. The prop is always produced very awkwardly, and it never, ever pays off. The resulting embarrassment is savory and delicious.

We may observe in humorous authors that the faults they chiefly ridicule have often a likeness in themselves. Cervantes had much of the knight-errant in him; Sir George Etherege was unconsciously the Fopling Flutter of his own satire; Goldsmith was the same hero to chambermaids, and coward to ladies that he has immortalized in his charming comedy; and the antiquarian frivolities of Jonathan Oldbuck had their resemblance in Jonathan Oldbuck's creator.

Unfortunately, the headlights of the car were bright enough for them to see Mae's outfit quite clearly. "Oh my God," said Nick, and shut his eyes. Jamie gave a small, nervous laugh. "What?" Mae demanded. "Alan told us that we were supposed to dress as we truly are!" "And you felt that what you truly are is a Christmas tree with too much tinsel." Nick grinned. "Huh.

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It's really funny.

I do consider myself a clown and a court jester, and I do love to make people laugh, whether they're laughing with me or at me.

We reserve the right to make fun of every single person on planet Earth.

You've got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It's when somebody steps on the bride's train, or belches during the ceremony that you've got comedy!

From the makers of Alien vs. Predator: Alien vs. Pingu. K9 - stop humping the toaster!

I don't know if I'm particularly funny, I mean one of my legs is shorter than the other one, it makes everything look very awkward, so I can just pretty much look like an idiot, but I don't know whether I can be like witty. It could be a problem.

It's amazing how much actual chicken sounds lend themselves to stupidity.

Among animals, one has a sense of humor. Humor saves a few steps, it saves years.

Humor does not include sarcasm, invalid irony, sardonicism, innuendo, or any other form of cruelty. When these things are raised to a high point they can become wit, but unlike the French and the English, we have not been much good at wit since the days of Benjamin Franklin.

It is the business of a comic poet to paint the vices and follies of human kind.

Jeff Foxworthy is a legend. Every time I see his moustache it reminds me to wax my lip and every time I hear his jokes it reminds me to wipe my ass.

Many, affecting wit beyond their power, Have got to be a dear fool for an hour.