Bob Hope Quotes

I had volunteered for the Air Force and was an enthusiastic bombardier. While dropping bombs on Europe, I generally didn't understand what I was doing.

The Will Smith that you see in movies is exactly the same as Will Smith in real life. Except for when he plays a superhero, because the real Will Smith can't fly. He can only hover.

When it comes to comedy, it might be interesting to know why an airplane works, but really? Maybe it's better not to know why certain things work. Just fly the thing, and if nothing falls apart, you'll be fine.

Humor is essential to a successful tactician, for the most potent weapons known to mankind are satire and ridicule.

I have a mathematical certainty that the future will confirm my assertion that aerial warfare will be the most important element in future wars, and that in consequence not only will the importance of the Independent Air Force rapidly increase, but the importance of the army and navy will decrease in proportion.

"I warn you," the boy went on. "I am a magician of great power. I control many terrifying entities. This being you see before you" - here I rolled my shoulders back and puffed my chest up menacingly - "is but the meanest and least impressive of my slaves." Here I slumped my shoulders and stuck my stomach out.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

I can see that aerial warfare is actually scientific murder.

The Navy can lose us the war, but only the Air Force can win it. Therefore our supreme effort must be to gain overwhelming mastery in the Air. The Fighters are our salvation . . . but the Bombers alone provide the means of victory. . . . In no other way at present visible can we hope to overcome the immense military power of Germany.

What doesn't kill us makes us funnier.

You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.' 'And yet it is still extremely funny.

I just don't get if you have ever gotten offended by a joke, why would you go to a comedy club? That's where jokes happen.

Here's what I really love: I love a funny story that I can tag a serious line on the end of.

[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven't missed a thing, I was just killing time 'til you got here.

Good taste is the enemy of comedy.

I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown?

"I hope to-morrow will be a fine day, Lane." "It never is, sir." "Lane, you're a perfect pessimist." "I do my best to give satisfaction, sir."

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

Well, Governor, we also have fewer horses and bayonets.

Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of dull arguments.

[To the man who came up to her at a party and exclaimed effusively, 'Tallulah! I haven't seen you for 41 years!':] I thought I told you to wait in the car.

I'm not saying I'm number 1, oh sorry I lied.. I'm number 1,2,3,4 and 5

Humor is the contemplation of the finite from the point of view of the infinite.

That's why my ires always come comedic in a way because - can I just say something? See, I sound like such a smooth talker.

My brain? It's my second favorite organ!