Phyllis Diller Quotes

I've been drinking tequila for a long time now, and it's never been about drinking to get drunk. I don't do that. I never drink tequila during the day, and I don't drive at night.

I'm not really the party person. I don't 'become myself' once I'm drunk. I don't use alcohol to be happy.

I feel simultaneously completely vulnerable and made wholly brave by becoming a parent. It has changed the way that I live my life. Because I want to be an example for my son.

I will drink alcohol socially. That's really on the weekends.

Once in a while I'll drink a rum-and-Coke but that's all, and only once in a while.

I'm not no 'drink wine every day' kind of dude.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not much of a drinker.

If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.

I personally do not believe I'm irresponsible. Everything I do revolves around my children.

Do you drink?" "Of course,I just said I was a writer.

I have lived temperately....I double the doctor's recommendation of a glass and a half wine each day and even treble it with a friend.

No one can teach your child like you can. No nanny, Bible school teacher, aunt, or uncle has your authority. What a phenomenal privilege is yours.

I'm going to keep drinking on stage. I have a pretty healthy relationship with alcohol. I know how far to go and when to stop.

Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform.

The jewel in the baby product crown is the stroller. And if in America you are what you drive, then in Parentland, you are what you push.

Pity the poor infant. Born perfect into the world from imperfect parents.

There is but one way to eliminate juvenile delinquency - that is by providing each child in America with competent parents.

We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.

I stopped drinking when I had children because I wanted to be awake and aware. I did not want to be going, you know, daddy loves you and then drop my head on the table. I do not want to miss anything that they do or say. It is important to me.

There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst.

Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.

Educating a child won't be difficult if you get through to the parent.

The coarsest father gains a new impulse to labor from the moment of his baby's birth; he scarcely sees it when awake, and yet it is with him all the time. Every stroke he strikes is for his child. New social aims, new moral motives, come vaguely up to him.

Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.

Having a baby, it's like a five year commitment.