Terry Pratchett Quotes

Fashion makes me laugh.

Everything is ironic to me. There are moments I find hysterical, but I'm probably the only one who would find that, except for a few people.

Humor is really one of the hardest things to define, very hard. And it's very ambiguous. You have it, or you don't. You can't attain it.

Funny is funny.

Funny is funny is funny.

Dressing up, for me, is looking like an idiot.

I think I've been called edgy - but in all honesty, there is a safety in what I do because I'm always the idiot. Unless you're just listening to buzz words and not taking into account the context of the situation, you see I'm always the ignoramus.

'The Ugly Truth' isn't trying to change the world with strong political opinions; it's just trying to entertain you with thoughts and ideas from my crazy mind!

There is no accounting for tastes, as the woman said when someone told her her son was wanted by the police.

My son, your ineptitude is so vast, your incompetence so profound, that I am certain you are inhabited by greater power than I have ever known.

I have been known as a crank, faddist, madman. Evidently the reputation is well deserved. For wherever I go, I draw to myself cranks, faddists, and madmen.

ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

Anything that is not funny at a certain point will be funny.

My other car is a vehicle with a bumper sticker describing this car.

Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth.

Nonsense wakes up the brain cells. And it helps develop a sense of humor, which is awfully important in this day and age. Humor has a tremendous place in this sordid world. It's more than just a matter of laughing. If you can see things out of whack, then you can see how things can be in whack.

Style and taste do not have anything to do with the other. It's the difference between wit and humor.

If I existed 200 years ago, all the other farmers in my community would be like, 'That guy is worthless! He's sitting on a rock, jumping up like a frog, coming up with weird concepts and ideas, making faces, and combing his hair into a giant pastry.' It's a good thing I was born in this century, when superfluous television seems to be part of the economy.

Donald Trump has a great campaign slogan: 'A complex world demands complex hair.'

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.

Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.

A hiker who was lost in a blizzard said he stayed alive by digging a snow tunnel and burning dollar bills for warmth. Today he was offered a job as President Obama's economic adviser.

Do my ears deceive me, or can I actually hear the sounds of worms turning? You say a turning worm makes no sound? But how about a chorus of turning worms?

The profoundly humorous writers are humorous because they are responsive to the hopeless, uncouth, concatenations of life.

It's always harder satirize what you like rather than what you dislike.