Jim Gaffigan Quotes

I remember there were days when - and this is kind of gross - I would sleep in my uniform to save time in the morning and then get up and go to school... it didn't matter because I didn't have to impress anyone, and I didn't have to look cute in class.

Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

I envy people who can think, 'No, I'm not going to work today' when they have a huge pile of deadlines stacking up.

There's nothing wrong with procrastination. Or is there? I'll leave it to you to decide, but only if you have the time.

I tend to take on a lot of things. And then they all just seem to happen at once. Or maybe I'm not good at saying 'No'. But the juggling's fun.

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

I am definitely going to take a course on time management... just as soon as I can work it into my schedule.

Don't judge. I used to buy underwear because I didn't do my laundry.

I see friends of mine who have kids and continue to do their art. It's deeply impressive. I can't even fit an Amazon return into the day. It's been sitting on my desk for two weeks.

I am always running late for absolutely everything; my hair's the last thing I do because I am terrible at it.

I was running from one problem or place to another, with no time left to study, or sleep, or just breathe. I felt pulled in all directions, fighting to keep all these obligations circling in the air above me. It was only a matter of time before something fell.

The guy says, "When you work where I work, by the time you get home, it's late. You've got to have a bite to eat, watch a little TV, relax and get to bed. You can't sit up half the night planning, planning, planning." And he's the same guy who is behind on his car payment!

You gotta know when to be lazy. Done correctly, it's an art form that benefits everyone.

Procrastination is illogical from every viewpoint. It is like the man who wanted to cross the stream, so he sat on the bank to wait for all the water to run by.

How to get taken: Spend most of your time making sure you're not.

The busiest people I have known in my life always have time enough to do everything. Those who do nothing are always tired and pay no attention to the little amount of work they are required to do. They complain constantly that the day is too short. The truth is, they are afraid to fight the good fight.

All we have is here and now. That's why procrastination feels so right. Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution.

My great fear is not that I'll run out of ideas. It's that I'll run out of time.

Roosevelt could always keep ahead with his work, but I cannot do it, and I know it is a grievous fault, but it is too late to remedy it. The country must take me as it found me. Wasn't it your mother who had a servant girl who said it was no use for her to try to hurry, that she was a "Sunday chil" and no "Sunday chil" could hurry? I don't think I am a Sunday child, but I ought to have been; then I would have had an excuse for always being late.

Sloth is most often evidenced in busyness ... in frantic running around, trying to be everything to everyone, and then having no time to listen or pray, no time to become the person who is doing these things.

My time is far too valuable for me to spend any of it trying to improve myself.

A man who does nothing never has time to do anything

The whole thing is, do as much as you can, when you possibly can, and don't stress.

Those who never have time do least

you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.