Conan O'Brien Quotes

Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.

The third time you say a thing it sounds like a lie.

If I dated as many people as they said I have, then I would be dead, because it's just not possible.

I've gone from the most trusted man in America to one of the most debated.

Many are asking what my credentials are and what I can do for the Philippines. They are telling me that they heard I am a womanizer. That is true. That is very true.

Every newspaper on earth has called me a liar.

Monsters have always been built in this sport. I just don't believe the hype. You've got to show me.

As far as Ted Cruz, he's one of the greatest liars and biggest liars I've ever known.

People say I slept with seven miss worlds, I didn't. It was only four, I didn't turn up for the other three

Do not be deceived by a man's eloquence; rather whoever fulfils trusts and refrains from impugning people's honour is a real man.

If I had as many love affairs as I've been given credit for, I'd be in a jar at the Harvard Medical School.

On November 7, 2006, Cafferty called Donald Rumsfeld "an obnoxious jerk and war criminal".

What you do in this world is a matter of no consequence. The question is, what can you make people believe that you have done?

Hillary Clinton is a world class liar. Just look at her pathetic email server statements, or her phony landing - or her phony landing in Bosnia, where she said she was under attack, and the attack turned out to be young girls handing her flowers. A total and self-serving lie. Brian Williams' career was destroyed for saying less.

People only talk about me and sweaters because I don't give them anything else to talk about.

People never have confidence in a Big Talker. They know his statements must be cut down, but they can never tell how much.

If you once forfeit the confidence of your fellow citizens, you can never regain their respect and esteem. It is true that you may fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all of the time; but you can't fool all of the people all of the time. -Speech at Clinton, Illinois, September 8, 1854.

Some people are under the impression that all that is required to make a good fisherman is the ability to tell lies easily and without blushing; but this is a mistake.

War talk by men who have been in a war is always interesting; whereas moon talk by a poet who has not been in the moon is likely to be dull.

Always tell the truth, and people will never believe you.

He who cannot exaggerate is not qualified to utter truth.

Every Gag I tell must be based on truth. No matter how much I may exaggerate it, it must have a certain amount of Truth.... Now Rumor travels Faster, but it don't stay put as long as Truth.

The American people are sick and tired of hearing about your [Hillary Clinton] damn e-mails!

The slander of some people is as great a recommendation as the praise of others.

When a modest man praises himself, people listen.