Demetri Martin Quotes

There's an unseen force which lets birds know when you've just washed your car.

When I was younger, I used to drive up to a bunch of turkeys, roll down the window and say something. They'd all gobble back at once.

Most of us have to spend a lot of energy to learn how to drive a car. Then we have to spend the rest of our lives over-concentrating as we drive and text and eat a burrito and put on makeup. As a result, 30,000 people die every year in a car accident in the U.S.

She jerked away from me like a startled fawn might, if I had a startled fawn and it jerked away from me.

My first day at MGM they decided to bring this lion out, male, and it was not the best time for him to see me. All of a sudden he thought I was in heat and this lion went into the dressing room, which was just a trailer on the sound stage, and went crazy.

We see the moon, don't we? So it's our eye. Animals see us, don't they? So we're their animals.

Animals of all classes, old and young, shrink with instinctive fear from any strange object approaching them.

I hate the beep beep of the car, when I put in motion and I have not fasten my seat belt. From how annoying this sound is to me every morning, I understand immediately how the day will be.

Whenever you observe an animal closely, you feel as if a human being sitting inside were making fun of you.

Horses are prey animals, and most of the other animals that I've shot are predators. If you act mellow with predators, they know that they can kill you, so they are cool, but if you work with prey, they think that you're going to kill them at any moment.

We've become such a multitasking society that just paying attention to the road doesn't seem to be that important anymore. I have to remind my kids all the time that that's what you're supposed to be doing in the car.

When a herd of cattle see a strange object, they are not satisfied till each one has sniffed it; and the horse is cured of his fright at the robe, or the meal-bag, or other object, as soon as he can be induced to smell it. There is a great deal of speculation in the eye of an animal, but very little science.

Sheep are never going to talk to you about cricket.

Every animal is related to its own constitution and the consciousness of it.

If you make a fool of yourself in front of a cat, he will sneer at you, if you are sober; he will leave the room if you are drunk. If you make a fool of yourself in front a dog, he will make a fool of himself, too.

Dogs don't bark at parked cars.

I've actually gone to the zoo and had monkeys shout to me from their cages, "I'm in here when you're walking around like that?"

The books all say that barracuda rarely eat people, but very few barracuda can read.

The dog is guided by kindly instinct to the man or woman whose heart is open to his advances. The cat often leaves the friend who courts her, to honor, or to harass, the unfortunate mortal who shudders at her unwelcome caresses.

Animals fascinate me because you can find a force, an energy, a fear that also exists in sex.

I saw a muskrat come out of a hole in the ice ... While I am looking at him, I am thinking what he is thinking of me. He is a different sort of man, that's all.

The little dogs and all, Tray, Blanch, and Sweetheart-see, they bark at me.

Proper driving etiquette demands that you basically get close enough to a car in front of you at a busy intersection that it would mean that in certain third-world countries, or South Carolina, you would have to get married.

The speed of a runaway horse counts for nothing.

We have these 100 mms delays, you know, our attention is on our PDA, we're always in a rush. We drive around in these 4,000 pound metal wombs, these 4,000 pound containment systems to protect us from these 6,000 pound cars from smacking us.