Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

So, I'm the Eighth Wonder of the World. It's flattering and very, very funny.

They went into my closets looking for skeletons, but thank God, all they found were shoes, beautiful shoes.

I'm not a great believer in awards-of course the fact that I've never won one has nothing to do with it at all!

I'm an idol of cinema? Oh, wow.

I have never struggled, and I have never done anything.

My girlfriend: sophomore honors student, demigod, and — oh, yeah — head architect for redesigning the palace of the gods on Mount Olympus in her spare time.

President Bush got an early Christmas gift. This week, President Bush was chosen as 'Person of the Year' by Time magazine. Not only that, Martha Stewart was chosen as person of the year by Doing Time magazine.

Sweet weeping baby Jesus he has a six-pack to beat all six-packs!

I think it's very funny that someone would exaggerate to make himself look worse.

Most people don't know that I invented the selfie.

If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion

Comedy aims at representing men as worse, Tragedy as better than in actual life.

I never made 'Who's Who,' but I'm featured in 'What's That?'

Make this man a saint now, OK?

If you have to explain satire to someone, you might as well give up.

(About sweeping).... What he was in FACT doing was moving the dirt around with a broom, to give it a change of scenery and a chance to make new friends.

The Princess Bride S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure You had to admire a guy who called his own new book a classic before it was published and anyone had a chance to read it.

I only mean forty per cent of what I say.

If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way.

My friend asked me I ever swam with dolphins. I was like, 'Yeah, of course. What distance are we talking about from the dolphins? Because the last time I was in the ocean, I'm pretty sure I swam with most of them.'

My ass may be dumb, but I ain't no dumbass.

I never met a soul in this world as normal as me.

I cannot recall a more engaging passage in fiction, and I've been trying for almost eighteen seconds.

Oh, I've got glitter in my hair. That's not all that's in my hair, I'll tell you that. I glue it on every morning, whether I need to or not.

I think I was 5ft 9in at birth.