Stephen Sondheim Quotes

I'm a bass player and I'm a drummer - I'm a big fan of bass players.

Ted Lewis could make the clarinet talk. What it said was put me back in the case!

I had a good guitar, and I was a young, young kid.

Puns are a form of humor with words.

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

I think the humor of double puns is incredible.

I live and die by puns.

My mother and dad played the fiddle and the guitar.

My son, Wolfgang, plays drums, guitars and bass.

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.

I always got great respect as a bass player.

One time I introduced my orchestra as the Shampoo Music Makers instead of the Champagne Music Makers.

I feel like a lot of serious music lives in generalizations - 'Love is a flower,' 'The sky is so dark' - but comedy lives in specifics.

How could I? I only know two tunes. One of them is Yankee Doodle. The other isn't.

I love making wisecracks.

Of puns it has been said that those who most dislike them are those who are least able to utter them.

I have been a tabla player since the age of four.

I use mother-in-law jokes, kid jokes, tax jokes - anything that works.

I am a trombone player, and that was my first instrument.

We try to write the best songs ever and they kinda come out funny.

My father was a cocky, long-haired musician, a songwriter.

I got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell.

Jokes are unanswerable objections.

I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped to spell cat with a 'k' to get at your funny bone. I love a drink, but I never encouraged drunkenness by harping on its alleged funny side.