Terry Pratchett Quotes

When I get a chance to play golf or go on a boat with good people, take the boat out and put some lobsters on the grill, get the ice-cold beer and the cigars - that's heaven here on earth.

My agent tells me I am drawing the largest salary ever paid in the halls of England. Wonderful, isn't it? for a quiet, rural gardener like myself.

I like doing the comedic episodes because it's refreshing. I enjoy doing comedic things and physical comedy. It's fun.

I'm going to drink a Coor's Light, cause Bud Light don't pay me nothin'.

Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you never knew your luck.

If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.

He'd (Yogi Berra) fall in a sewer and come up with a gold watch.

In sweet water there is a pleasure ungrudged by anyone.

Laughter rarely lasts longer than a few seconds, it's true. But how enjoyable those few seconds are.

It is very strange, and very melancholy, that the paucity of human pleasures should persuade us ever to call hunting one of them.

The world is too serious. To get mad at a work of art-because maybe somebody, somewhere is blowing his stack over what I've done-is like getting mad at a hot fudge sundae.

I don't take myself too seriously. I enjoy what I do. I enjoy making people laugh.

I used to love to draw things that made me laugh or made friends laugh. When I was 13 or 14, I started thinking, This is what I like to do more than anything else.

Life is a joke that's just begun.

A bike ride. Yes, that's it! A simple bike ride. It's what I love to do and most days I can't believe they pay me to do it. A day is not the same without it.

Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?

Some people get lots of pleasure; From books or from music or art; But boys seem to think it's fantastic; To just have a really good fart.

Homer no function beer well without.

When you love what you do, it pays off, and that's the best reward you could have.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

If there’s one thing that makes a man sick, it’s to have his ale poured out of an ugly hand.

My perfect night would be going out to an awesome restaurant, then heading over to the Comedy Cellar to hang out with other comics, drinking beers and making fun of each other.

When a glass sits on a table here, people don't wonder if it's half filled or half empty. They just hope it's good beer.

Everybody needs to laugh and have fun and feel good.

No wonder he has such nice teeth. They probably pay him in dental floss.