Chris D'Elia Quotes

It's very strange that you condemn me as a terrorist at the same time as you call on me to help you combat terrorism in Iraq and elsewhere. It doesn't make sense!

What's more interesting are the dynamics between people that involve hypocrisy or ignoring each other. That's what I want to write about. I like to make people uncomfortable because it's something we should be uncomfortable about.

I find you offensive for finding me offensive

Who trades in contradictions will not be contradicted.

Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting.

Those who are fond of setting things to rights, have no great objection to seeing them wrong.

I don't know how many times a phone call or e-mail starts with, "I don't agree with anything you say but you're funny as hell so I listen to your show, I love your show."

Can't we be friends?' I hate your guts, Frankovitch' Can't our guts be friends?

I don't lie," I lied.

People who talk about peace are very often the most quarrelsome.

I demand from you in the name of your principles the rights which I shall deny to you later in the name of my principles.

Says the rude child: "No, I won't do it." Says the courteous grown-up: "Yes, I won't do it.

Been chatting much with Jared?" "We often have special moments where I come into a room and he immediately leaves," Kami said. "I treasure those times.

Military intelligence, two words combined that cant make sense

Love is a drama of contradictions.

What a snarky jerk. (Obviously, I later slept with him.)

So I have talked with Betsey and Betsey has talked with me, And we have agreed together that we can't never agree

I'm not the most emotionally attuned guy in the world. My wife says that me writing about emotion is like Gandhi writing about gluttony.

Altruists, with thin, weak voices, denounce Christ as an egoist. Egoists (with even thinner and weaker voices) denounce Him as an altruist.

The world laughs at things it would really prefer to admire, and like Aesop's fox it criticizes things it covets.

Many men are loved by their enemies, and hated by their friends, and are the friends of their enemies, and the enemies of their friends.

People are funny. They want the front of the bus, the middle of the road and the back of the church. —Mrs. Miracle

It is not the least of a martyr's scourges to be canonized by the persons who burned him.

Our interest's on the dangerous edge of things. The honest thief, the tender murderer, the superstitious atheist.