Tom Waits Quotes

Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years.

My husband says I like animals more than I like people. I take that as the compliment he means it as.

Instant gratification takes too long.

I introduce her as the love of my life everywhere that we go. She introduces me as her current husband. So you can see how the relationship kinda works here.

Today's sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, "Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?"

You did not just say that. I have a feeling we're on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other.

It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.

I've always wanted the IQ of a rock. No, wait. That would be an insult to the rock.

My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.

We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children? Well, she and I were.

Sorry for hurting you, she said right in my ear, but it wasn't really an apology, because you don't bite someone's earlobe to tell them you're sorry.

I'm trying to feel sorry for you, really I am,"North said."If you wait just a moment I'm sure the tears will come.

‎Should we do this now?" Pam gave an almost inaudible snort. She was smiling in the glow of the streetlight, suddenly exhilarated. "You waiting for an engraved invite?" Lord save me from sarcastic vampires.

A vet! I started laughing weakly and had to sit on the edge of the tub. A vet. Wait till they found out how appropriate that was.

If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!

I thought it was very humanitarian of Sean Penn and Madonna to marry each other. That way, they make only two people miserable instead of four.

I cannot wait to go get my fried butter on a stick, and fried cheesecake on a stick and...Twinkies, especially in honor of those who would rather just be forced to eat our peas.

I just remembered that I'm absent minded... wait, I mean I lost my mind, I can't find it.

I thought, I can't wait to get on the podium squad. I was in my hotel and they were in the Premier Inn living the high life!

You used to say. "Desire doubled is love and love doubled is madness." Madness doubled is marriage I added when the caustic was cool, not intending to produce a golden rule.

Just what I needed—a necromancer with an attitude. Oh, wait, I was a necromancer with an attitude.

I don't do heroin myself, but it's done wonders for my music collection.

I'm waiting for my kids to grow up and get into the Offspring and look at me like I'm a total candy-ass.

Why would I get a wild card into an American tournament, (as the) top-ranked American? Why would that happen? That makes too much sense. Maybe I should play more Davis Cup, that's the story. Oh wait, I do.

One of the things that's kind of persistent is that I am the model on the cover of Tom Waits' album, Small Change.