Sarah Palin Quotes

[Addressing Robert Peel, 1788-1850:] The Right Honorable Gentleman's smile is like the silver fittings on a coffin.

The right honorable gentlemen is indebted to his memory for his jests, and to his imagination for his facts.

As comics if you aren't rubbing people the wrong way, to me, you suck.

Ridicule is the only honorable weapon we have left.

Deep frying a Twinkie makes it healthy, right?

He was chugging brown pop from a can Jack had handed him while he stuffed nacho cheese Doritos in his face. I was glad to see he looked lots better, almost completely like himself, which proves Doritos and brown pop really are health foods.

Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

But my point is that competitive eating is a real sport, and I considered taking it up. But when I thought about what this would mean sitting around for hours, stuffing my face with unhealthy food I realized it was basically the same thing as journalism.

Stick a lighted candle up your backside to give yourself that inner glow.

Chili dogs, funnel cakes, fried bread, majorly greasy pizza, candy apples, ye gods. Evil food smells amazing -- which is either proof that there is a Satan or some equivalent out there, or that the Almighty doesn't actually want everyone to eat organic tofu all the time. I can't decide.

You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.' 'And yet it is still extremely funny.

[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven't missed a thing, I was just killing time 'til you got here.

Did you use a chainsaw?" Joey said. "I seem to recall you like chainsawa." "There wasn't a power outlet." Clay turned to me. "That's what I want for Father's Day, darling. A gas powered chainsaw.

"It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever" he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?"

[To the man who came up to her at a party and exclaimed effusively, 'Tallulah! I haven't seen you for 41 years!':] I thought I told you to wait in the car.

Blessed are the dumbfucks.

You go up to the devil and ask if he knows he's a sinner and he'll say, "Well, yes I am! And a mighty fine one at that!"

Observe that noses were made to wear spectacles; and so we have spectacles. Legs were visibly instituted to be breeched, and we have breeches. Stones were formed to be quarried and to build castles; and My Lord has a very noble castle; the greatest Baron in the province should have the best house; and as pigs were made to be eaten, we eat pork all year round; consequently, those who have asserted all is well talk nonsense; they ought to have said that all is for the best.

Very deep. You should send that in to the Reader's Digest. They've got a page for people like you.

If she was going to die, she might as well die sarcastic.

He wondered why the pelican was the symbol of charity, except it was that it wanted a good deal of charity to admire a pelican.

Now, Max, I think we both know your parents aren't missionaries." I opened my eyes wide. "No? Well, for God's sake, don't tell them. They'd be crushed. Thinking they're doing the Lord's work and all.

I bought all those [fitness] videos -- Richard Simmons, Jane Fonda. I love to sit and eat cookies and watch 'em.

I can count all the lovers I've had on one hand...if I'm holding a calculator.

Oh, dear me." Nathalie sank back down in the chair and examined her Uggs. "The sarcasm could've started dripping off her and stained the floor. "Is it conspiracy, treachery, murder, or open warfare? I'll have to choose my lipstick accordingly.