Howard Stern Quotes

One character mistook me for the model and remarked 'That Man-Tan sure works wonders!' That ain't Man-Tan. I'm tan, man. From my head to my toes.

My name is immaterial,' she said. That's a pretty name,' said Rincewind.

I'm always amazed that people take what I say seriously. I don't even take what I am seriously.

You know when you tell a self-deprecating story at a dinner party, everyone's laughing along with you? But then when someone else repeats that same story at another dinner party you feel they're all laughing at you?

I am a walking joke.

These stories about my intellectual capacity really get under my skin. You know, for a while I even thought my staff believed it. There on my schedule first thing every morning it said, 'Intelligence Briefing.'

I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

A man's name is not like a mantle which merely hangs about him...but a perfectly fitting garment, which, like the skin, has grown over him, at which one cannot rake and scrape without injuring the man himself.

Am I hideous, Jane? Very, sir: you always were, you know.

I am in perfect health, and hear it said I look better than ever I did in my life, which is one of those lies one is always glad to hear.

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

I have a name,” I grumped, my stomach pinching me harder. “Yes, but it has no pizzazz. Ra-a-a-a-chel. Rach-e-e-e-eel,” he said, trying it out in different ways. “No one will tremble in terror at that. Oh my God!” he said in a high falsetto. “It’s Rachel! Run! Hide!

First name: Mister; middle name: period; last name T.

My face felt like my normal face, as if that part of me hadn’t transformed into a bird. [Fine, Sadie. Call me the Carter-headed chicken. Happy?]

But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either.

I don't have big anxieties. I wish I did. I'd be much more interesting.

I like funny things, but I don't find myself particularly funny.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I know people will think it's funny because I've done glamour modelling in the past, but I felt embarrassed about my body and just wanted to cover it up.

Some are blessed with musical ability, others with good looks. Myself, I was blessed with modesty.

It's funny, because I never think of myself as Little Miss All-Together.

My problem is people seem to laugh at me, but the one that laughs harder than anybody is me.

I see my daft surname as a positive thing. It first dawned on me that I had a comical name when someone called me 'Fishface' on my first day at school. I've heard all the fish jokes since then, many times over.

I'm not a real blond... Shocking.

My speaking style was criticised by no less an authority than Arnold Schwarzenegger. It was a low moment, my friends, to have my rhetorical skills denounced by a monosyllabic Austrian cyborg.