Jim Gaffigan Quotes

Everybody knows the competing identities of people who have kids.

I was able to draw a lot from my own childhood, my friends' childhoods as well and my daughters' friends who are like my children as well. They multiply all the time. So you can have everything and say I can get all this done and then late at night one of your kids have a freak out about school or an assignment you end up staying up til 3 in morning helping them through it. Or somebody gets sick or has a crisis.

Let me tell you something, planes and kids... I've got a 3 and 1 year old, I don't wish that on anybody.

Being a father of three children and grandfather to nine, I do think that this thing called 'parenting' is becoming increasingly difficult.

I take my kids to school... I make them breakfast. Unfortunately, dad is a big spoiler, and most days, I make four different breakfasts.

I love my kids, they are amazing children, but they drive me bananas sometimes. And sometimes, I want to sell them on eBay... but I'm not going to.

Again, with two small children it's incredibly hard to commit yourself to anything because you're just getting interested in it and someone comes along and goes I want Thomas The Tank Engine on, and screams the place down until you put it on.

I have four kids; three girls and a boy. The oldest girl is 13, and has her own social life now, so there's a bit of begrudging cooperation there. It's tough.

Preschoolers have a way of grabbing your attention. Mine help me not to be a baseball player at home.

My daughter, Anna, is almost 15, and my son, Ben, is almost 10.

Sometimes being a dad is like watching a ping-pong match.

I have three boys. Sometimes my wife and I really have to battle to keep video games from encroaching.

I had to make some adjustments from what my life was like before I was a mom. My kids are so fun and loving, but they are also demanding!

As a father of two children, I am used to seeing kids in the midst of a five-alarm meltdown over the choice of DVD or the necessity of broccoli.

I'll never get sick of raising my children, but other people might get sick of them.

I'm a mother of three children, and we do make mistakes.

I conveniently forgot to remember that people only have two hands, or, as another parent once said of having a third child, it's time for a zone defense instead of man-to-man.

(About parenting:) ... all that tedium, broken up by little spurts of high drama.

Parenting is a constant struggle between making your kids life better and ruining your own.

My kids hear me behind my door, giggling like an idiot, and they roll their eyes at the blatant indignity of it all.

My two kids take a lot of my focus, which I'm grateful for.

The difference when you have kids comes up when someone wants to meet you out after 9:30 at night. You consider that giant sacrifice. You're like, "Do I do this? Do I stay out until 10:30 and be angry, all of tomorrow?

Sometimes [people] say the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. In my case, I am pretty fortunate. [ My kids]'re pretty balanced, cool kids, going through pretty much the same thing all the other kids go through. There's nothing unique about me as a parent. I am a parent. My kids are kids. We do the best we can do. I don't think they know a lot about what I do, other than that I am in this crazy band, Mötley Crüe.

They [Mark and Jay Duplass] both have young kids and talk about parenting all the time. So they get it. So they knew that it was a very delicate time and they knew that it was a lot. All it did was make me want to protect them from - and protect production from - any kind of burden.

My kids really are my center. They create a beautiful chaos. It's always a nice chaos with them.