D. J. MacHale Quotes

I've always been shocked that people that I'm actually flying with say, 'Oh, I feel safer on the plane with you.' I'm thinking, 'You must not watch the show because everybody around me gets killed.'

The myth of my solitude makes me laugh.

Life is as horrifyingly frightening as it is hilarious.

I'm shocked at how much I can talk about myself.

I love to dance, but the flip side is that I can't dance.

I have a very short attention span, which is funny. I mean, you'd watch me and think that I don't, but I actually do.

What stands out about me the most? Probably my chains. I don't know.

I make my living talking about serious subject matter, but I'm a weirdo.

Americans don't understand irony? I am an intelligent person living in the United States. My entire existence is ironic.

On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'

Question: How do you know you're God? Answer: Simple. When I pray to him, I find I'm talking to myself.

If I'm smart then I'll run away, but I'm not so I guess I'll stay

The insecure way is the secure way.

Cannabis always made me paranoid; I felt like people were watching me. And now I'm sober, and I've got this talk show in the middle of the night on CBS, and I now know that no one is watching me.

Men who retain irony are not to be trusted. They can't always resist an impulse to tickle themselves.

I never said I was consistent.

Irony is a disciplinarian feared only by those who do not know it, but cherished by those who do. He who does not understand irony and has no ear for its whispering lacks of what might called the absolute beginning of the personal life. He lacks what at moments is indispensable for the personal life, lacks both the regeneration and rejuvenation, the cleaning baptism of irony that redeems the soul from having its life in finitude though living boldly and energetically in finitude.

I have many unrecognized talents, but my faults have somehow succeeded in securing wide recognition.

Yes, sir, thank you, sir, and I wouldn’t trust me one little inch, sir. I knows a bad one when I sees them. I have a mirror.

The minute you celebrate narcissism, which on one hand is very complex, it's very ridiculous. You have to love oneself with humor.

One problem I have definitely solved is the problem of not having enough to worry about.

I love the laconic. Clearly, I am not of their number.

Travel at its truest is thus an ironic experience, and the best travellers . . . seem to be those able to hold two or three inconsistent ideas in their minds at the same time, or able to regard themselves as at once serious persons and clowns.

Your favorite virtue? An appreciation for irony.

What is ridiculous about human beings, Doctor,' the prince said, 'is actually their total incapacity to be ridiculous