Will Rogers Quotes

You tell that imperial bastard in Mississippi to keep out of Louisiana. Tell that son of a bitch that I am not just using an expression; I am referring to the circumstances of his birth.

You stupid jackass," Ian said. "Who's got the crush on a worm, bro? You gonna call me stupid?

He was breakfasting in the marketplace, and the bystanders gathered round him with cries of "dog." "It is you who are dogs," cried he, "when you stand round and watch me at my breakfast."

You do know I am my father’s son, right? People don’t talk to me that way and live. (Syn) Oh, like I fear you. Never. Besides, a fight might dislodge whatever has crawled up your sphincter and bring back the much nicer version of you. (Shahara)

I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.

Did Mad freakin' Max just call me irritating?

If I were to say you are crazy, what part of that would you find unacceptable?

The worst thing you can do if you want to start a fight is to use derogatory terminology.

I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.

Insult is powerful. Insult begets both rage and humor and often at the same time.

When you tell a fellow to go to hell, you’d better make sure that you can get him there.

With all due respect, Mr. President, you are an asshole.

Our friend, Mr Hume, made a most violent speech at a dinner … last week. He called Sir R. Peel and some other Tories "the cloven foot," which I think rather strong. I think that great violence and striving such a pity, on both sides … They irritate one another so uselessly by calling one another fools, blockheads, liars, and so forth for no purpose. I think violence so bad in everything.

Sometimes getting hit in the mouth ain't all bad. It can even make you respond in the right way.

I was waiting for a train at Waverley Station in Edinburgh. My knee was hurting, so I asked a young man for his seat. He replied, 'There's one over there'. I said, 'Please', and when he refused I poured my water over him.

I just fight whoever is weighing in on the time it's to weigh in.

I'm competitive, and I think everybody knows that if you're talking trash, you're gonna get a reaction out of me.

If they're acting like a dog, sometimes you're forced to treat people like dogs.

Sandy: Boy, you must really think I'm stupid or something. Jeff: Ahh, no one would call you stupid, to your face.

You were an ass long before I made one outta ya!

You get my point now? Coz before I thought you missed it. I'ma viagra triple shot, you just a limp bizkit. WORD LIFE.

I was at a bar, and this guy bumped into me, and he did not apologize, and he said, "Move!" I thought that was rude, so I said, "Go to hell!" Then I started to run. He caught up to me. He had a mustache, a goatee, a pair of earrings, sunglasses, a ponytail and he was wearing a hat. He said, "Hey, you got a lot of nerve!" I said, "Hey, you got a lot of... cranium accessories!"

As your governor, you’re going to be seeing a lot of me on the front page, saying ‘Governor LePage tells Obama to go to hell.’

Go jump off a cliff, Leah.

Good rule to follow: never reward someone's incivility by giving them the headline they seek.