George Mikes Quotes

I'm goofy. I like to have fun. I'm always joking around.

As far as my personality, my friends and family know I'm crazy! I love to have fun; I'm bubbly. People say I'm funny but I don't know that I'm funny: I don't try to be funny and tell jokes and stuff like that, but I always got something slick to say.

The first place I went in America was Boca Raton, and I thought it was awesome. It was spring break, and there were tons of young people and cute Americans in Speedos.

With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.

In Moscow they do not pay much attention to the living but keep their cemeteries in a splendid state.

It was decided almost two hundred years ago that English should be the language spoken in the United States. It is not known, however, why this decision has not been carried out.

It was you readers who really came through, proving once again that when the American people decide to "get involved" in a problem, it is best not to let them have any sharp implements.

Some people come up to me and say "You know, in Italy, it's pronounced Ber-beel-lia" And I say "Well, here in America, you're annoying..."

This (America) is a land of rich diversity, from the towering skyscrapers of Manhatan all the way to the towering mounds of garbage piled up next to the towering skyscrapers of Manhattan.

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

We have been flooded with postal cards from all over the United States and several parallel universes. Just a quick glance though these cards is enough to remind you why this great nation, despite all the talk of decline, still leads the world in tranquilizer consumption.

I have read that, on the average, the Japanese are getting taller, but at the moment they seem to be about the same height as American junior-high-school students, only with fewer guns.

There is a theory that sooner or later anything in America that is any fun at all will be ruined by people from California.

America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan - Go for the Gold.

This nation is so friendly that the leading cause of injury is getting passionately embraced by strangers.

America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don't think that way. We don't think much at all, thank God. Start thinking and pretty soon you get ideas, and then you get idealism, and the next thing you know you've got ideology, with millions dead in concentration camps and gulags.

Some people put us down. But I still haven't heard of any Americans trying to swim across the border into Mexico!

Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?

It's just easier to make fun and cut down. It's kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you're going to say, it can be cruel and funny.

And funerals are pretty compared to deaths.

She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn't understand us at all.

America is a nation of 270 million people: 100 million of them are gangsters, another 100 million are hustlers, 50 million are complete lunatics, and every single one of us is secretly in show business. Isn't that fabulous?

He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.

The Americans are extremely gadget minded people and American gadgets have a peculiar characteristic: they work.

Mama is funny. She has a great sense of humor and loves a good joke. Loves a practical joke, too.