Dave Barry Quotes

America: It's like Britain, only with buttons.

'The Purge' is really about America's crazy relationship to guns and guns gone wild, essentially, and it kind of laid the groundwork for 'Get Out.'

I think Britain is a little better at bringing intellectuals into discourse than America, where I'm from. Though I would say, perhaps, that the U.K. prefers its intellectualism to be entertaining.

American and French culture are really, really different, but in a way it's funny.

If you've never seen me perform live, I'm a must-see. I'm very funny. I have a different perspective sometimes on a lot of what I do and the world itself, especially America.

Any American boy can be a basketball star if he grows up, up, up.

It is great fun dying in the United States of America. It is great fun first of all for the undertakers who make a wonderful living out of it but also for the deceased who suddenly becomes the centre of attention and fuss.

The Japanese have become so smitten with the Western condiment - its texture as silky as a kimono, its tang as understated as the tang of Zen - that today they have a word for mayonnaise junkie: mayora.

We have been flooded with postal cards from all over the United States and several parallel universes. Just a quick glance though these cards is enough to remind you why this great nation, despite all the talk of decline, still leads the world in tranquilizer consumption.

I was voted Most Humorous in my senior class in high school, and I was a fan of comedy, my whole life. I never got into the horror genre, and action was fine, but I just loved comedy. Any comedy I could get my hands on, I would. I watched Saturday Night Live religiously. I've just been a fan of comedy, my whole life.

The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and we can fix that."

They (Americans) have their national game, baseball - which is cricket played with a strong American accent - and they have a national language, entirely their own, unlike any other language spoken on the earth.

America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan - Go for the Gold.

This nation is so friendly that the leading cause of injury is getting passionately embraced by strangers.

The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobbledygook than the rest of the world put together.

The waiters in France could all be senators in the US.

Japan is, you often feel, an improved version of the United States.

Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?

I don't understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since.

England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.

Flying from the United States to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.

I know a member of one of New York's first families (first as you drive up Tenth Avenue)

The average American may not know who his grandfather was. But the American was, however, one degree better off than the average Frenchman who, as a rule, was in considerable doubt as to who his father was.

An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.

The trouble with this country is that there are too many people going about saying, "The trouble with this country is...."