Lewis Black Quotes

What is oral sex?

Masturbation is not physically necessary. There is already a way by which the male system relieves excessive spermatic fluid quite regularly through the nocturnal emission or wet dream. Monthly menstrual flow expels the female's egg and cleanses the womb. For both sexes, physical or emotional tensions can be released by vigorous activity. Thus, in a biological sense, masturbation for either gender is not necessary. In a gospel sense, it is a sin: Masturbation, a rather common indiscretion, is not approved of the Lord...regardless of what may have been said by others whose 'norms' are lower.

God knows if you could start a new sex act that's more important than making a good movie.

Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.

The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.

Yeah, I guess everyone's had a reasonable amount of sex in their lives, some less than others.

In Europe, extramarital affairs are considered a sign of good health—a feat.

Lock up the fornicators!

Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.

Adultery ... could be as banal as marriage.

A married man turns his staffe into a stake.

... it [masturbation] too often leads to grievous sin, even to that sin against nature, homosexuality. For, done in private, it evolves often into mutual masturbation - practiced with another person of the same sex - and thence into total homosexuality.

Let's just say that back in the old days, sex was available every two feet. But I never made love to anybody that did not want me to.

I've read that male dolphins try to have sex with humans, and female apes solicit sex from humans. What is wrong with giving them what they want, if that's what turns you on, or even just to gratify them?

Is it adultery if I’m committing it at one end of a guy and he’s committing it at the other end of that same guy?

Hey, folks, look at all the damage that Bill Clinton has done to feminism. First, oral sex is not sex now. You got a Lewinsky, it isn't sex. And sexual harassment, you know what it used to be? All you had to have for sexual harassment was for a superior in your office to use his power to have his way with you, no matter whether you wanted it or not. Now that's out the window. Because we can't, of course, have Bill Clinton said to have engaged in sexual harassment. No way. Not gonna happen.

Promiscuity turns sex into a sport, like arm-wrestling.

L'adulte' re introduit l'esprit dans la lettre quebien souvent le mariage e u" t laisse e morte. Adultery breathes new life into marriages which have been left for dead.

If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.

Generally speaking, I'm much more in favour of penises entering vaginas than axes entering skulls. But the world seems to accept the violence a lot easier than the sex.

Neither the Church nor modern public opinion condemns petting, provided it stops short at a certain point.

Sex is a body-contact sport. It is safe to watch but more fun to play.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

The world is divided into those who screw and those who do not. He distrusted those who did not—when they strayed form the straight and narrow it was something so unusual for them that they bragged about love as if they had just invented it.

In my own life, I don't have intercourse. That is my choice.