Ralphie May Quotes

My size has helped make me an amazing performer too. The cliche of the Funny Fat Friend: I absolutely was that character - I am that character... It's a complicated bag of tools I acquired, and I've put them all to work onstage.

I never wanted to be known as a fat comic, just a comic who happens to be fat.

I'm a woman, and every woman wants to be skinnier - unfortunately.

The truth is, I like my body more when it's thinner. I have a range of jeans, and I'm happier in the smaller ones. But I don't have the same drive to get into those jeans. I'm not going to change my day to get there, whereas I used to.

I figured being fat was my destiny.

I'm probably not 100 pounds anymore, but around there. I definitely got obsessed with my weight. When I met my husband and realized that he could put on 50 pounds and I'd still love him, I realized that's how he sees me or at least how he should!

Some people would like me to be round again.

Yes, some people say to me you're too skinny, but never a skinny person says that to me, only people who could lose a few pounds say that.

I thought, well, you might see curves there, but that's just a bone - so even if I lose weight that's not going to change anything. That's how I look. That's my shape. Do the math.

As a gymnast, you always wear spandex. Being a teenager wearing spandex? It was tough accepting how my body looked, especially if there was any weight gain.

Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, or Joan Rivers. There are a lot of good comics out there, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics.

It sounds gross to say that I like myself more. But not everyone likes themselves that much. Especially in the comedy world.

I find it funny that people now come up to me and say, 'Wow, you are absolutely gorgeous. I'm like, 'I was beautiful before I lost weight. Egotistically speaking, I thought I was amazing.'

I might do a fitness video. Actually, more of a fatness video.

I'm fat, but I'm thin inside... there's a thin man inside every fat man.

There were days I could barely struggle into a size 46 or 48, months of larges and XXLs, and endless rounds of leggings with the elastic at the waist stretched to its limit and beyond - topped with the fashion equivalent of a tea cozy. And always black, because I was in mourning for my slimmer self.

If I were overweight because I ate too much, I would have far more of a complex. I would know if I just stopped eating and showed a little discipline I would be thin. But there's not a hell of a lot I can do about being short. You just gotta run with it.

Even in normal life, I'm not the skinniest model.

I've always been a thin girl. I'm not going to be fat, ever. Let's get that straight. Whitney is not going to be fat, ever. Okay?

First off, I don't do self-deprecation comedy based on being fat. I would always talk about it honestly. Secondly, I don't care how much I weigh.

The funny thing is, I don't actually think of myself as fat at all. I don't think I am. Not really.

If I lost weight, I'd be two-dimensional!

Being fat worked, and I think that was what was confusing for me for a long time in my career.

Oh my God, I'm not anorexic. I acknowledge that I look thin in photos. I get it.

I don't laugh so much at jokes and premises as I do at a guy who goes onstage and starts twitching and acting funny.