Scott Westerfeld Quotes

I can eat a man, but I'm not sure of the fiber content.

I always see the absurdity in most situations. It's my experience of how life works.

A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.

There are two ways of dealing with nonsense in this world. One way is to put nonsense in the right place; as when people put nonsense into nursery rhymes. The other is to put nonsense in the wrong place; as when they put it into educational addresses, psychological criticisms, and complaints against nursery rhymes or other normal amusements of mankind.

I love playing people who don't have a sense of humor for instance, there's nothing funnier to me than a person with no sense of humor.

I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed.

I love meeting people who have absolutely no sense of irony. It's really fascinating to imagine what it would be like to go through life without understanding even the most basic of ironies.

These people were not only cheering, they were throwing flowers and hats. The hats were made of stone, but the thought was there.

Ghost of Bobby: no, no you can't eat me. I'm a ghost. Stephen Colbert: That just means that there's less bones to pick out.

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

The funniest thing about some people is that they have no sense of humor.

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?

People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.

Smart writers never understand why their satires on our town are never successful. What they refuse to accept is that you can't satirize a satire.

The man of understanding finds everything laughable.

Everyone is a comedy. If people are laughing at you, they just don't quite understand the joke that is themselves.

I'll sit in the park and feed the pigeons for a while.' We don't have pigeons.' Then I'll feed the pterodactyls.

Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth.

"What's up?" "I don't know," said Marvin, "I've never been there."

People always ask me how long it takes to do my hair. I don’t know, I’m never there.

Shut up!" Eve yelled from somewhere upstairs. "Jackass!" "You know, when people say that, I just hear the word awesome.

I would never build a lawn trimmer," Myrnin said. "What did the lawn ever do to me?

Life deserves laughter, hence people laugh at it.

I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.

I looked around at us all: me in my nightgown, Kiyo bare-chested, Dorian in his extravagant robes, and Tim in his Native getup. God, I muttered, standing up, we all look like the village people.