Demetri Martin Quotes

When did the cell phone become a license to be rude? And why must I be subjected to your personal conversations?

I try to preserve whatever balance society has between public and personal life. I never try to eat on the subway. I never try to listen to loud music on the subway.

I hate people walking down the street listening to the soundtrack of their lives which responds to them but not their setting. I hate the overspill of sound which metro and subway riders are oblivious to because they notice no one and nothing around them.

My door was open part of the time, and part of the time I tried to get a nap and their voices annoyed me, and I closed it. I kept it open in summer more or less, and closed in winter.

People are going deaf because music is played louder and louder, but because they're going deaf, it has to be played louder still.

Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else's.

Going to any loud place is terrible for me. I'm bad at loud restaurants.

I'm the weirdo that tells - asks - the Uber driver to please turn the radio down. I'm so polite about it, though.

It gets weird with people wanting to touch my hair and beard boundaries, you know?

In London, people don't make eye contact; it's almost too provocative.

I carry earplugs and use them even when it's quiet.

People need to stop filming things at festivals.

Strangers come up to me in bars and tell me about their sex lives. I'm thinking, 'You think I can make it better somehow?'

It's very difficult to know when you're crossing the boundary. I hate the word boundary because I never think about it when taking a picture. Very often it doesn't mean anything because it depends on who's looking at the picture more than the content of the picture itself.

I can't stand loud guitars that make me deaf.

Guy on the plane I'm on has a text alert that sounds like a gunshot... And he isn't putting it on vibrate.

I think that music at inappropriate times with inappropriate volumes can be the funniest thing ever.

I've had tinnitus for about 10 years, but since I started protecting my ears it hasn't got any worse. Looking after your ears is unfortunately something you don't think about until there's a problem. I wish I'd thought about it earlier.

You know, almost everyone is an irritant to me. I think people have forgotten what the word 'public' means. 'Public' means you're going to be irritated. It's a natural consequence of leaving one's home. You go outside, and there are people who are irritating. I'll be standing on the sidewalk, and someone berates me for smoking. I look at the person and think, but what about your shoes? How can you wear shoes like that and have the confidence to accost someone like me?

If I'm engrossed in a book, I have to rearrange my thoughts before I can mingle with other people, because otherwise they might think I was strange.

For the most sensitive among us the noise can be too much.

The advent of the mobile phone was a disaster. We are forced to listen, open-mouthed, to other people's intimate conversations. Increasingly, we are all in our virtual bubbles when we are out in public, whether we are texting, listening to iPods, reading or just staring dangerously at other people.

It is difficult to estimate the misery inflicted upon thousands of persons, and the absolute pecuniary penalty imposed upon multitudes of intellectual workers by the loss of their time, destroyed by organ-grinders and other similar nuisances.

People ask all the time, "What are you thinking?" It's my least favorite question in the world. The last bastion of solace is my mind. It's an invasion.

As a general rule, do not kick the shins of the opposite gentleman under the table, if personally unaquainted with him; your pleasantry is liable to be misunderstood--a circumstance at all times unpleasant.