Jen Lancaster Quotes

I'm a regular Joe...I just have the unique ability to accessorize.

I don't make mistakes. I make prophecies which immediately turn out to be wrong.

This diamond has so many carats it's almost a turnip.

I have wit in my work and a sense of humor, but I do not use irony in any way.

I'm a jewelry girl. I became with friends with designer Irene Neuwirth a few years ago. At that point, I just used to wear my wedding rings. Very low key. Now, if I could, I'd be draped from head to toe in her jewelry all the time. Everything she makes is beautiful.

Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.

I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration.

I wear a lot of different jewelry. I love to look for it when I'm abroad or if I find a great antique or vintage shop.

Almost anything can be funny if said the right way - but it has to be said the right way.

Paul Rudd has a very specific brand of humor.

I could talk all day, T stands for talking, T stands for tender, T stands for things that don't even rhyme with T.

I'm not interested in clothes; I just like them.

Sometimes my influences are really on my sleeve. So I just make sure to wear a lot of sleeves.

I was clever enough to know that John Donne was offering something that was awfully enjoyable. I just wasn't clever enough to actually enjoy it.

If I was on the road to Hell, at least I was going in style.

Silver nitrate and water in a super soaker," he told her. "My own invention. Ought to be good at twenty feet, kind of like wasp spray." Oh. "You get me the nicest things." "Anybody can get jewelry. Posers

One should have wit, but not wish to have it; otherwise there will be witticism, the Alexandrian style of wit.

Orion sniffed. "Good. Then, worthy centaur, perhaps you could give me a ride to the village on your way back. Then I can make a few pennies wth my verses while you build us a shack and perform circus tricks for passersby." This was such a surprising statement that Foaly briefly considered jumping into the hole to get away.

After a moment, he turned sharply to me. 'Are you quite all right?' 'Yes, perfectly. Why do you ask?' 'Because I have just called you contrary and you did not bother to contradict me. I thought you might be ill.

A dancer on break approached him. She smiled. Each tooth was angled in a different direction, as if her mouth were the masterwork of a mad orthodontist. "Hi," she said. "Hi." "You're really cute." "I don't have any money." She spun and walked away. Ah, romance.

Some sarcasm is best told simply. Some humor is best told big and some is best told small.

Goodness, what beautiful diamonds!' 'Goodness had nothing to do with it'.

When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter."

There's a certain amount of what I wear that I wear for irony.

There's that great Bill Hicks line - the comedian - where he says, "Are you proud to be an American?" "I don't know. It's just where my parents had sex."