Jim Gaffigan Quotes

Our people, though capable of strong and durable feeling, were not demonstrative in their affection at any time, least of all in the presence of guests or strangers.

We must watch over our modesty in the presence of those who cannot understand its grounds.

I just never have really been the kind of person that's out in public being inappropriate, I guess. I like to have fun as much as the next person but I tend to do it in private and just hang out with close friends. If I'm going to go out, I'll just do it with my really good friends.

I'm a conservative - a practicing one. I'm not a talk-about-it one.

I'm very English, and we don't talk about emotions publicly.

I think I'm more grounded, you know, and I know what I want out of life and I'm, you know, my morals are really, you know, strong and I have major beliefs about certain things and I think that has helped me, you know, from being, you know, coming from a really small town.

I try to keep my life fairly simple. Being humble is really important.

I'm just me. Just Kyle from Sheffield. That's all I see myself as.

If I get a bit big-headed, I get a good clip round the ear from my family and friends. I'm still the same person.

I would never pose topless.

I don't start shooting off my mouth. I'm not like that. I'm a mother.

I wouldn't fart in front of my wife, and she wouldn't do it in front of me.

I don't think it's my personality to be going around telling people what I'm doing.

I grew up in the Midwest. I understand a sense of the small-town mentality, small-town social politics.

Whenever we got a glimpse, their faces looked indecently revealed, as though we were used to seeing women in veils.

We acknowledge that we should not talk of our wives; but we seem not to know that we should talk still less of ourselves.

Never looking anyone in the eye when you're traveling on public transport, in case it's interpreted as a sign that you're trying to get off with them.

Anna Petrovna: Never talk to women about your own good qualities. Let them find out for themselves.

An Englishman never takes his collar off when he is writing. How can you expect him to show you his soul?

I am too inexperienced and ignorant to conduct myself with propriety in this town, where every thing is new to me, and many things are unaccountable and perplexing.

In beginning the world, if you don't wish to get chafed at every turn, fold up your pride carefully, put it under lock and key, and only let it out to air upon grand occasions. Pride is a garment all stiff brocade outside, all grating sackcloth on the side next to the skin.

It's not necessary to tell all you know. It's not ladylike--in the second place, folks don't like to have somebody around knowin' more than they do.

I am well aware that I am the 'umblest person going. . . . My mother is likewise a very 'umble person. We live in a 'umble abode.

Everyone needs a small-town banker. Especially in a big town.

It's something I decided from the very beginning I would never do - nudity.