Uzodinma Iweala Quotes

President Reagan's one-liners were terrific.

I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian.

Like I said on my bio on my webpage, I was born at an early age, I was close to my mother.

I had a soft-spot in my heart for Ronald Reagan, if only because he was a sportswriter in his youth.

I have tender feelings for Nixon because everybody has warm feelings about their childhood. Actually, I didn't like the Watergate trials 'cause they interrupted 'The Munsters.'

The first time I began to really think about politics was in fifth grade, during President Reagan's first term.

When I was a little boy, I was fascinated by the way my dad used to laugh at the telly, and from a very early age, I had an idea of what was funny and why people laughed.

My brother and I loved 'ThunderCats' and Robin Williams coming out of an egg in 'Mork & Mindy.' At the time, I thought it was funny, but looking back, it was a crazy concept!

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'

I'm so insane, I voted for Eisenhower. Oh yeah, well I'm so insane, I voted for Eisenhower TWICE!

I 'ad a toy when I was little,' said Suzy. She frowned for a moment, then added, 'Can't remember what it was. It moved and made me laugh.

If the Cowardly Lion were on RuPaul’s Drag Race, so much of my childhood would be less nightmarish.

As for George Bush of Kennebunkport, Maine- personally I think he's further evidence that the Great Scriptwriter in the Sky has an overdeveloped sense of irony.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has hired billionaire Warren Buffett as his senior economic advisor. And not to be outdone Gary Coleman announced his senior economic adviser will be Thurston Howell the Third.

When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.

I was born at a very early age. Before I had time to regret it, I was four and a half years old.

Sometimes when I'm swimming, I think that maybe someday I'll put my red Speedo up for auction. Or maybe I'll donate it to the Smithsonian. They can stuff it with two plums and a gherkin and put it on display.

People don't understand that we're not warriors in their cause. We're a group of people that really feel that they want to write jokes about the absurdity that we see in government and the world and all that, and that's it.

Old man with an old phone. That's never not funny.

When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.

All my friends got dogs and cats for Christmas, and I got a starfish called Roy. I used to take him down to the park on a lead.

Bill Clinton may in fact be moving back into the White House. And coincidentally I'm thinking about moving back into my mother's house.

It's funny because growing up, when Ali G first burst off the screen, it was something that I was probably too young to be watching, but I absolutely loved it.

Politicians can do more funny things naturally than I can think of to do purposely