George Bernard Shaw Quotes

We all came from houses with doors, doors that were supposed to be closed when there were things going on that we weren't supposed to see, and when our pants were down.

Garbage is the part of your history you don't want your family to know about.

There's a lot of skeletons in my closet!

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Inside of every problem lies an opportunity.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

There are two phone calls parents don't ever want to get from their children. No. 1 is, 'I'm in prison. Come fetch me.' And No. 2 is, 'I've written a novel... and it's set in your hometown.'

I've learnt that if you can't get rid of something, you have to find a way to live with it.

A lot of the times, anything that somebody tries to say negative is actually kind of funny.

When you cannot have something, you make what you have work.

That's what you do with the worst day ever: you flip it on its back.

There is a skeleton in every house.

You'll see a lot of funny stuff, you'll see a lot of daddy knows best stuff, you'll see a lot of me and my wife trying to hold the family together.

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.

I lay in the dark thinking about the difficulties of family, how crazy and crooked the stories of a bloodline can be.

Adolescence-is it the first time in life we discover that we have something terrible to hide from those who love us?

Let me get one thing straight; I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice; no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.

He will be the last to discover the disgrace of his house.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!

When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.

When you bump into your own mom at an orgy, it's hard not to get her to read into certain things.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.