Emo Philips Quotes

For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.

Comedy comes from confusion.

Many of my poems try to use a comic element to reach a place that isn't comic at all. The comic element works as a surprise. It is unexpected and energizing.

I was always shocked when I went to the doctor's office and they did my X-ray and didn't find that I had eight more ribs than I should have or that my blood was the color green.

The secret to humor is surprise.

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.

Comedy is only as stupid as you are smart.

A pun is not bound by the laws which limit nicer wit. It is a pistol let off at the ear; not a feather to tickle the intellect.

Sarcasm doesn't translate in print at all.

The pun exists in a social and political void, caring nothing for the issues of its day, content merely to display itself in its small cleverness.

You can analyse a joke and say it's funny because this guy thought this was going to happen, and that happened, and it's surprising. But not all surprising things are funny.

Surprise is not humor. I think that there can be a fine line there.

I think great humor lies in playing the truth of a situation.

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.

Around my house, I won't even speak to my family unless they first address me by my official Berzerker name, Godred Crovan, Victor of Sky-Hill and Ruler of Man and the Isles. And now that I think of it, that's probably why nobody speaks to me unless it's time to feed the dogs or take out the garbage.

The element of surprise - where you think you know where a joke is going, and then you're wrong. Those are my favorite kind of jokes.

I'll see something, and I'll go, 'Oh, wow, that's interesting,' because really, comedy comes from the truth.

Ironic things are interesting.

And please don't call me that." I didn't call you 'that', I called you George Washington.

Those of you who speak only English, applaud [audience applause]. Those of you who speak only Spanish, applaud [audience applause]. [In mock incredulity] Then how do you know what I just said?

Didn't we talk about this?" "HAIL!" "That isn't an answer." I planted my hands on my hips. "Was there a reason for shoving the gummy bears off the counter? Did they tell you they were suicidal? On second thought," I raised a hand, palm out, "don't answer that. If the candy is talking, I don't want to know.

I love meeting people who have absolutely no sense of irony. It's really fascinating to imagine what it would be like to go through life without understanding even the most basic of ironies.

Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, "Did you fall?" He said, "No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket."