Carol Burnett Quotes

I was always a little embarrassed when there was an act on television that requires a great deal of skill but is a little goofy, and the host comes over and acts like the person doing this skill is some sort of fool for having learned to do something that's very, very difficult.

I only did karaoke once in my life. It was with Courtney Love and it was a total disaster. She pulled me on stage in front of 500 people at a wedding. I'd never done karaoke before.

They put me on television. And the whole thing broke loose. It was wild, I tell ya for sure.

At some particular time, when I was 14 years old, I've done something that people didn't expect.

Christ comes as a thief in the night, & it is not for us to know the times & seasons which God hath put into his own breast.

A loud booming noise interrupted us, and we saw a flash of light off to my right. People near the other garages screamed. "There, you see?" asked Abe, quite pleased with himself. "A new gate. Perfect timing.

The gun made a ripping sound like the opening of a zipper on the fly of God Almighty.

Rumer Willis was having a great time at the opening of a club when her twin walked in, also known as her dad, Bruce Willis. How embarrassing for her, she's out with her friends and they're like, 'Umm, Rumer, I think your dad put something in my drink.'

I would rather a sex tape make its way out than a video of me doing all of the different grunt sounds. I'm not eager for a sex tape to leak, but in terms of personal humiliation, I'd feel less vulnerable to be in a Kim Kardashian situation than seeing myself grunting in a booth.

There are all sorts of books offering advice on how to deal with life-threatening situations, but where's the advice on dealing with embarrassing ones?

I never thought I would meet Mariah Carey, but I really never thought I'd be introduced to her by Whitney Houston. She's like, "Hey, baby, this is Mariah." I'm like, "I know. I'm Darren. I don't know what I'm doing here."

Percy yelled. "What's going- Gah! Shrimpzilla!

Never use the words 'suddenly' or 'all hell broke loose.'

The gun goes off. I fall.

Rincewind gave his fingers a long shocked stare, as one might regard a gun that has been hanging on the wall for decades and has suddenly gone off and perforated the cat.

Things change…things happen…things you can’t even imagine when you’re young and full of hope.

A bad play folds and is forgotten, but in pictures we don't bury our dead. When you think it's out of your system, your daughter sees it on television and says, My father is an idiot.

You know I've had people come up and ask me to sign their guns. Sign my name on gun handles and holsters and stuff. I've done it once or twice for law enforcement officials, but when people do that -- and there have been quite a few of them lately -- I always tell them no. I don't want to do that. I don't want my name on that and I hope you use this gun, whatever its purpose is, I hope it's used wisely.

It's the kind of turn that happened to the great country of Germany, when Nazis came over and created tragic things, and they had to be told off. And if we continue this kind of violence and accept it in our country, the rest of the world's going to really take care of us, in a very bad way.

Chaos is roving through the system and able to undo, at any point, the best laid plans.

Oh God they got you gun shy You know your skin's as cold as ice Your eyes are double filtered babe You're so afraid to be nice There's no way you're ready To let your defenses down Though I won't come on heavy There is a lesson that I've found.

The anti-gun-violence movement was essentially asleep from 1994 to 2012, and during that time, the gun lobby built up enormous political power.

Nature, even in the act of satisfying anticipation, often provides a surprise.

There ain't many troubles that a man caint fix With seven hundred dollars and a thirty ought six.

I knew from the moment I heard you, the moment I saw the gun and realized that this lovely, petit woman was the executioner, that you would never die waiting for me to save you - that you would save yourself.