Nicole Byer Quotes

My fondest memories are generally the day after Thanksgiving. I get the total decorating Christmas itch.

I slipped at a bus stop; I went one way and my hair went the other. That was the end of my wig.

My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.

I love the excess of Christmas. The shopping season that begins in September, the bad pop star recordings of Christmas carols, the decorations that don't know when to come down.

Katy Perry still gets me every time. She's very funny in person! We met at the Teen Choice Awards and she pulled my cheeks apart and told me how cute I was. My life was literally flashing before my eyes!

I couldn't hold it together today. George Clooney asked me if I was OK, and I practically collapsed. I couldn't stop crying, I had to go off sobbing like an idiot.

My first course came and I put down my book, and I just happened to put up my hand to scratch my head and discovered that my toupee had been blown by the wind and was folded over backwards on the top of my head!

When I was starring as Roxie Hart in 'Chicago,' I got my stiletto heel caught in my fishnet tights and fell flat on my face. It was incredibly painful and not something you can cover up.

America is a large friendly dog in a small room. Every time it wags its tail it knocks over a chair.

I love Christmas. I'm totally the 'decorate early, start listening to Christmas songs super-early' guy.

I describe my plots as follows; A character is walking down the street when all of a sudden a piano falls on them. They spend the rest of the story digging out from under that piano. How they dig, how long and how well, this all depends entirely on the character.

I was on stage with Cyndi Lauper, and my trousers split. It seemed like she was going to sing for ever.

What do you say to the last man who died from a mistake.

I was the only kid who anybody I knew has ever seen actually walk into a lamppost with his eyes wide open. Everybody assumed that there must be something going on inside, because there sure as hell wasn't anything going on the outside!

I've met Bob Dylan. We did one of those non-handshake handshakes. I was with all guys, and he shook hands with all of them, and then they said, 'And this is Kate,' and I put my hand out, and he didn't put his out. And then I took my hand away, and he put his out. It was one of those. We finally did shake. And then I fainted!

If you're sitting around and doing Chekhov and the cat walks in, you must pay attention to the cat. You cannot continue the dialogue of Chekhov without including the cat. So on live television, we'd automatically go into ad-lib gear.

I met Hugh Jackman, and I was like, 'I love your movies!' And, of course, he asked, 'Which one?' A reasonable question, but I blanked completely. In that moment, I couldn't remember a single film that Hugh Jackman had done. So I copped out. 'The recent one!' And that was one of his biggest disasters. Well done, me.

I think every girl needs a good lip split story, I have one. I fell onto my front door doorknob coming back from the mailbox, once.

I once got chased off stage by a heavy-metal band.

Just one night at a show in New York, I literally passed out and fell off the stage.

I once said the wrong movie name to Aaron Eckhart, and boy did he tease me about it for years.

Mam loves to buy presents but she hates decorations. We once had a black Christmas tree because we had a new black leather couch and she wanted it to match.

I was singing in a mall, and I picked a girl to come up onstage with me. As I was grabbing her hand, I fell off the stage. It felt like I was in the air forever, flying like Superman.

I would trade places with Michael Bay when he was directing 'Transformers' because I'd get to meet Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox, and also see what it's like to direct a huge action movie. That'd be awesome.

In my senior year of high school, I was doing a dance with a bunch of friends for the talent show, and my pants split entirely in half. It was incredible.