Colleen Ballinger Quotes

It wasn't my finest hour. It wasn't even my finest hour and a half.

I wish I had gone into industrial plumbing. That's a joke.

I happen to hold a bachelor of science degree in geology... And my greatest contribution to the field of science is that I never entered it.

I drive an American car. It's a Chrysler. That's not an endorsement. It's more like a cry for pity.

I love turning on the computer in the morning and reading the things that I did the day before - that I didn't do!

Math and reading are my only weaknesses - other than that, I'm perfect.

Baseball has been good to me since I quit trying to play it.

I've said a lot of stuff in the past, but not with any intentions to hurt anybody. It's all a bit tongue-in-cheek.

I've become a master of the apology.

When I was eight, an uncle, great uncle, gave a violin to me, and my father took me off to have lessons. After about six weeks, the violin teacher told my father he was wasting his money, wasting his time, and wasting my time, and it's one of my big regrets.

I can't be serious, apparently.

Its crazy: my name is Artist, and I dead can't even paint.

Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.

I didn't mean to take up all your sweet time... I'll give it right back to you, one of these days

Moses, who said when the Red Sea parted, What the hell was that? I was just going in for a dip! Never got a dinner!

What gets me is, I waited in line for an hour to do this. I could have experienced essentially the same level of enjoyment merely by sticking my finger down my throat.

That's why my ires always come comedic in a way because - can I just say something? See, I sound like such a smooth talker.

You're a terrible cook, Daniel." "I know," he replied, "But it's the effort that counts." "I hope that's not the slogan for your dental practice.

I love pity parties. I wish I'd brought hats.

I ran like a cheetah - well, like a cheetah that smoked too much.

I'm in shape, but only if you consider a circle a shape.

Those of you who are not aware of my brilliant career as a stand up comic, I'm not aware of it either so we might well wonder what we're doing here.

I think I have a good sense of humor, but I'm not, like, a joke-teller. I get the jokes, which is sometimes half the battle. Believe me, I have no idea why anyone hires me.

People always ask me how long it takes to do my hair. I don’t know, I’m never there.

I'm a regular Joe...I just have the unique ability to accessorize.