Demetri Martin Quotes

I have a lot of tea in the morning. I always have toast and peanut butter.

Breakfast is a big deal. I love it.

Breakfast is my favorite meal. I cook a big one for everyone - bacon and eggs. I own a lot of eggcups.

My breakfast is very important.

I am the host with the challah French toast.

I eat a lot of cereal and toast.

I'm passionate about breakfast. I wake up hungry, so I always eat a bagel.

I usually eat cereal every morning.

I couldn't believe it. It was unbelievable, that's why. My face was like a frozen fish finger. All rigid and pale. (But obviously not with breadcrumbs on it.)

There's gonna be a general lack of toast in the neighborhood this morning.

Bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down... and won.

Now, see," Wes said, nodding at my plate, "this is going to blow your mind." I looked at him. "It's a waffle, not the second coming.

People don't expect me to be as funny as I am.

Jerry Seinfeld is amazing in many ways, not the least of them his ability to find humor, and convincing us to find it, too, in the million-and-two details about modern life that under different circumstances might send us into paroxysms of rage.

The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles.

Wit is the epitaph of an emotion.

I jokingly refer to the word 'gourmet' as the 'g' word.

I don't think there's a punch-line scheduled, is there?

A pun is not bound by the laws which limit nicer wit. It is a pistol let off at the ear; not a feather to tickle the intellect.

In most of the world, breakfast is an important meal.

I am a grateful... grapefruit.

Vegetarians are cool. All I eat are vegetarians - except for the occasional mountain lion steak.

Surprise is not humor. I think that there can be a fine line there.

I don't have a very quick sense of humor.

While I'm driving north, I'm already thinking about kippers - it's worth the journey just to have kippers for breakfast on Saturday.