W. C. Fields Quotes

I like children - fried.

I loved being blonde. It's true, they have more fun, even when they're cannibalising their children.

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

It's not for me. I tried human flesh and it's too salty for my taste.

I wonder if I could eat a child if I had the chance.' 'I doubt if I could cook one,' said Constance.

Who will say with confidence that sexual abuse is more permanently damaging to children than threatening them with the eternal and unquenchable fires of hell?

She likes us,” said Umbo. “I know, I could feel it too,” said Rigg. “She’s really glad to have us here. I think she loves us like her own children.” “Whom she murdered and cut up into the stew.” “They were delicious.

[To the mother of two unruly children in a restaurant after the woman said she really didn't know what to do with her children:] Have you tried infanticide?

I think I asphyxiated my children.

Vegetarians have wicked, shifty eyes, and laugh in a cold calculating manner. They pinch little children, steal stamps, drink water, favor beards.

The society that destroys its children is eating its own tail, committing suicide in the most perverse way.

I am persuaded that 'child abuse' is no exaggeration when used to describe what teachers and priests are doing to children whom they encourage to believe in something like...eternal hell.

A big part of the humor is in identifying with the tragic elements of the film. The New Zealand sense of humor is very dark. Our films are usually very dark and it's always someone being killed. Usually a child.

Sometimes I wish I were a cannibal – less for the pleasure of eating someone than for the pleasure of vomiting him.

It is a shameful thing to insult a child.

I want your heart, I want to eat your children.

Nothing is more shameful than attacking sleeping children.

John Kerry made a joke about Bush being a moron, and now Bush wants morons to think it was a joke was about the troops. ... Now, John Kerry has apologized. He said he made a botched joke and admitted that he has a joking problem. He has checked into an improv group and revealed that as a child, he was molested by a clown.

I was very strict on that point. No devouring classmates." Jeremy rolled his eyes. "Other parents warn their kids not to talk to strangers. I had to warn mine not to eat them.

I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.

The thing I deplore the most is, anyone who rapes anyone's innocence, in anyway. So a guy who physically rapes a woman or a child or physically hits a child. When that period of innocence is raped - that person loses something that they can never get it back. To me when innocence is raped, that is the sickest and filthiest thing.

The abuse of children is the worst offence that anybody can commit.

Children are all criminally insane, and must be destroyed!

But huge photographs of dead bodies are slightly different. I couldn't find much humor there.

Regarding the accusations of sexual abuse of children by Catholic priests, deplorable and disgusting as those abuses are, they are not so harmful to the children as the grievous mental harm in bringing up the child Catholic in the first place.