Christopher Moore Quotes

I think maybe it's time for liberals to not start weeping when I say things like 'retard' or 'illegal alien.'

I'm not a politically correct person.

I can cross the line when I'm making fun of people.

Do you think it's a good idea to be sarcastic about slavery?

With my humor, I end up offending everybody!

Certainly, shows like 'Black Mirror' helped me. I should send them a fruit basket.

There's a big difference between being racist and racially insensitive.

When someone says, 'I recognize you,' I'll say, 'Congratulations on having a TV.' It's a little joke.

You can't just be crass without being witty. Angry crass is horrible.

I am proud to be called the Queen of Mean, and I never mince my words - especially when it comes to fat people.

I hate Dr Phil. Dr Phil told me to express my feelings, so I'm expressing them.

You did not just say that. I have a feeling we're on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other.

I was clever enough to know that John Donne was offering something that was awfully enjoyable. I just wasn't clever enough to actually enjoy it.

DDP, when I look at you, I see white trash! When I look at the people in the crowd, I see white trash. So maybe you are the people's champion!

You're quite tall.' Just what a girl wants to be reminded of.

Happy white peoples independence day the slaves weren't free but I'm sure they enjoyed fireworks.

They've got something they do it with, I think it's called a mocracy, and it means everyone in the whole country can say who the new Tyrant is. One man ... one vet. ... Everyone has ... the vet. Except for women, of course. And children. And criminals. And slaves. And stupid people. And people of foreign extraction. And people disapproved of for, er, various reasons. And lots of other people. But everyone apart from them. It's a very enlightened civilization.

One problem I have definitely solved is the problem of not having enough to worry about.

Irony dissolves sentiment, but occasionally a sentiment is strong enough to dissolve irony.

Secretly everybody's getting tired of political correctness, kissing up. That's the kiss-ass generation we're in right now. We're really in a pussy generation. Everybody's walking on eggshells. We see people accusing people of being racist and all kinds of stuff. When I grew up, those things weren't called racist.

When I want to be reminded of stupidity, especially my own, I turn on the TV.

I forget the derivation of Boxing Day, but the feeling of wanting to invite your loved ones outside one at a time and punch them in the face, does that come into it somewhere?

"And how are you feeling?" asked Patrick."Oh, I'm grand." Augustus Waters smiled with a corner of his mouth. "I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, my friend."

Sure I was glad to see John Wayne win the Oscar I'm always glad to see the fat lady win the Cadillac on TV, too.

There's nothing good on the television; let's burn a witch. It must have been terribly exciting to live in those times.