Tom Robbins Quotes

I think what's hysterically funny is a guy who sets himself up as the most confident, everything's-perfect, know-it-all, things-are-swell human being and then gets wiped out every time.

...things I had come to find humor in would make your honest man swoon.

You have to be really careful with what you put out on social media and who you're talking to online.

We don't really see a lot of comedic moments in '24.' In fact, I haven't seen all of it, but from what I have seen, I don't know if I've ever laughed at anything that anyone has done on '24.'

I usually agree with Rush Limbaugh; therefore I usually don't listen to him.

'Blithe Spirit' is played almost all over Britain somewhere at all times because it is such a unique and ridiculously funny show. But it's also, in fact, under those layers of humor, a very serious show. It's quite misogynistic.

I am actually on Facebook, but I only have one friend. It's a private account, and I have one friend. Mark Zuckerberg.

To me, the funniest American of the Twentieth Century is Richard Nixon because he had the most to hide, and he was so bad at hiding it. To me, that's what's really funny - people who think they're doing a great job of hiding stuff, and it just keeps leaking out.

I find it amusing when you look at plastic surgeons because they don't seem to have had anything done.

Comedy actually works best when you're living in an OK world, and you are pointing out the hypocrisy in apathy.

Left to my own devices, I'd probably Google myself all day.

It's great having Bruce Springsteen on my show. We have so much in common! We're both from New Jersey, just from different neighborhoods. Sort of like how Martin Luther King and Margaret Mitchell both came from Atlanta. But from different neighborhoods.

I would do away with Education, Commerce, and let's see - the third one I can't. I can't. Oops.

In this day and age of digital media, as we've learned, it's not as though nobody's going to find out what you said.

A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.

You can't make Christ funny. He's self-aware, he's too flexible within the situation. It's rigidity, it's when the ego takes over and the behavior becomes inappropriate that it becomes funny.

I used to play a narcissistic-conservative pundit. Now, I'm just a narcissist.

I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: "Have you a good memory for faces?" I asked why and she said: "Because there isn't a mirror up there."

Men are not to be told anything they might find too painful; the secret depths of human nature, the sordid physicalities, might overwhelm or damage them. For instance, men often faint at the sight of their own blood, to which they are not accustomed. For this reason you should never stand behind one in the line at the Red Cross donor clinic.

John Kerry keeping a low profile this week. He said he wanted to get away and go someplace where no one would expect to see him. So I guess he showed up at his old seat in the Senate. Nobody's going to look for him there.

Oh, for a pin that would puncture pretension!

Why would anyone say this stuff about themselves on the Internet? It's crazy!

I observe a lot of you drunk people. What I do is I just let myself go there and fully commit to that drunk thing, not that I've ever done that myself. I've had a lot of practice. Let's be honest.

I don't want to be like the angry old guy in the corner who is always ranting and raving about the same things - but I don't mind doing that just a little bit!

For me, it's important to elevate the hypocrisy with humor. Then you really are using the humor to elevate the problem, saying this is why it matters, and then saying we can combine the work together with laughing and being around joyful people and helping out. So the comedy sometimes can actually full-on expose the issue, but also it's a gathering tool. It serves a lot of purposes.