David Niven Quotes

The 'Phoenix Sun' did a list of the unsexiest men in the world, and I made it to number one. I beat out Bin Laden. He's a terrorist, hasn't bathed in months. I beat him out. To me it was a great honor.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

I think that a big part of comedy is being made fun of, and it is looking silly or looking stupid.

I've always thought something that makes you laugh, it makes you laugh because there's a little bit of truth to it.

People... need a time to laugh. It's up to us to bonk ourselves on the head and slip on a banana peel so the average guy can say, 'I may be bad, honey, but I'm not as much of an idiot as that guy on the screen.'

Men look like pandas when they try and put make-up on.

When you take a character seriously, there's more room for comedy because you're not aware of how absurd you are.

I don't mind being a buffoon.

If you record the world honestly, there's no way people can stop being funny. A lot of fiction writing doesn't get that idea, as if to acknowledge it would trivialize the story or trivialize human nature, when in fact human nature is reduced and falsified if the comic aspects are not included.

My life has been one great big joke, a dance that's walked a song that's spoke, I laugh so hard I almost choke when I think about myself.

I'm a giraffe. I even walk like a giraffe with a long neck and legs. It's a pretty dumb animal, mind you.

Everything I say is a joke. I am a joke myself.

At the risk of appearing disingenuous, I don't really think of myself as 'writing humor.' I'm simply reporting on the world I observe, which is frequently hilarious.

I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive.

I think at its best the American sense of humor is the same as the British sense of humor at its best, which is to be wry and ironic and self deprecating.

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded.

I've got the body of a model and the face of a coal miner.

I'm ridiculous, I'm ludicrous.

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

I'm looking more like my dogs every day - it must be the shaggy fringe and the ears.

I have never knowingly, I swear to God, written satire. The word connotes exaggeration of the foibles of mankind. To me, mankind just has foibles. You don't have to push it!

There is no place for a person like me in a world that only takes itself seriously. Satire is so necessary but fairly ineffective.

It's a wonderful thing to be able to make fun of yourself and to do it in a way that sort of preserves your dignity but, at the same time, lets you play the theater of the absurd.

'The Ugly Truth' isn't trying to change the world with strong political opinions; it's just trying to entertain you with thoughts and ideas from my crazy mind!