Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes

Well, I can't (sing or dance). Actually, I sing like a seal and dance like your Uncle Leo at that wedding where he got up and went 'ya, ya, ya'.

If you heard me sing, you would just plug your ears and run, screaming, the other way. I promise.

I used to be a folk singer, but I was... dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.

I don't sing. I do everybody a favor and I don't sing.

I'm definitely not a song-and-dance guy, and if you've ever heard me sing, you would understand that, 'No, maybe that's not your thing.'

When I go to karaoke, I'm still the worst guy there.

There is certainly a higher percentage of wit in British comedy than in American comedy. What always tickles me is the way in which people try to use their intellect to get themselves out of tricky situations but never quite manage to do so - much to their enormous embarrassment.

I look at old performance videos now, and it's really funny - I thought I was such a gangster!

I'm a pretty goofy person. I'm an awkward dancer, for instance, and a terrible singer.

I would love to be on 'Glee,' thus furthering the myth that I'm a gay man.

But I'm tone deaf - window-shattering tone deaf. I can't sing for the life of me. I can't sing or dance, so no remake of 'Grease' for me!

I just love making a fool out of myself. I made my living as a clown at kids' parties for about three years.

At school I was very shy and coincidentally inherited the title 'little miss worry guts,' and that was just among the staff. I learned early on that I could make people laugh, and as my small neat body betrayed me by growing to dizzying heights, I used it as a tool that translated into complete slap-stick comedy.

I made so many jokes about poor Russell Crowe, he once knocked on my dressing room door, and told me he wanted to go out on this chat show we were on to laugh with me. Now he's ruined it. I can't make another joke about him.

I'm so unprofessional on set it's not even funny.

I'm funny at home too, but not deliberately. My wife is usually laughing at me rather than with me.

But Opera Man, I go, 'Oh, crap! Why didn't I think of that?' Because I could sing fake opera pretty good.

I do sarcasm really poorly.

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

I remember being a bathtub singer. You know, the type that sings and everybody's like, 'Shut up.'

I told jokes badly.

I was never really comfortable doing comedy.

I can never tell a joke, I've always found it easier to just fall over.

Oh, you wouldn't want to hear me sing.

I'm more one of those people you laugh at and not with. I'm not the one with the jokes, I'm the one who falls on her face going up a flight of steps.