Joshua Oppenheimer Quotes

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty.

I am not a member of any temperance society; but I am temperate, in this, that I don’t drink anything.

Mike Hammer drinks beer because I can't spell Cognac.

No, I don't see many movies. I don't even see my own movies.

When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

Beer is not a good cocktail-party drink, especially in a home where you don't know where the bathroom is.

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.

The Seinfeld motto: No learning, no hugging.

I haven't watched 'Mad TV' a lot, but I have seen some stuff on there that is truly funny. You have to have some sort of attitude toward the subject, and they seem to have it. It depends on how much blood you want to draw.

If I don't offend somebody, then I'm probably not funny.

Whiskey's to tough, Champagne costs too much, Vodka puts my mouth in gear. I hope this refrain, Will help me explain, As a matter of fact, I like beer.

I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep.

We're just trying to make ourselves laugh. We realize critics are going to hate it, but it just makes fans like it more.

Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.

We never really tried to shock for shock's sake on 'Family Guy'. If something was horribly offensive and shocking, we would put it in if it was also hysterically funny.

Irreverence is easy - what's hard is wit.

I think that what comes through in Chicago humor is the affection. Even though you're poking fun at someone or something, there's still an affection for it.

Impropriety is the soul of wit.

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

I've always had a sick sense of humor, and I've always wanted that to permeate the music because I don't take myself seriously. I take the music seriously, but I know I'm not God's gift to anyone except my mom.

I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.

You can not have comedy unless people are behaving badly. You can't have it.

I just knew it would get a big laugh when people saw the 'Flying Nun' throwing the bird to a highway patrolman.

Doug Stanhope is great - I saw his 'Burning the Bridge to Nowhere' show and it was inspiring. He's like an anti-shaman, taking the sting out of a bunch of things we've chosen to give a symbolic power to. I've made it sound noble and worthy there, it's not, it's really funny.

I don't take myself or the species too seriously. You have to laugh at everything.